Korean BBQ - Kapaa, Hawaii

I felt the best kind of uncomfortable when I walked in to Korean BBQ. I felt like I stumbled into the home of my best friend's Korean mom, and it was almost time for dinner. 

She has a pot on the stove, always ready to feed me, because hello, that's what Korean moms do. I protest politely, not wanting to put her out, but she sets down a plate of Sliced Kalbi, marinated all the way through with some extra savor infused from the bones. She adds a scoop of pickled cabbage and bean sprouts that are just delightful, and even her potato salad will almost convert you despite you not being a fan.

A cold noodle to balance the hot. No Asian meal is complete without all the carbs. Dig into the Bi Bim Kook Soo. The ropy noodles are a break from the steak, and they balance out the bulgogi-soaked beef on top. 

You're full, and she's made more than enough for you and the ten children you do not have, but she won't rest until you dig into her side of Steamed Mandoo. She calls it a side, but you have to eat all ten. The skin is chewy but soft and cooked all the way through, which is trickier than it looks, and the pork filling is so light and tender you can't believe it's a dumpling.  

I'm not Korean, but this restaurant feels like home. They are as sweet as can be, and I fight the urge to put my feet up and nap off my food coma. They probably would have let me, and they probably would have fed me again...wow, I really hope they feed me again soon.

Island Tacos - Waimea, HI

Small food crawl: Lunch #2. 

Handmade flour tortillas. They're thin and fluffy, grilled crispy in all the right places. They do fall apart with the frying so you don't get to eat your taco like a taco, but you do get to eat the best tacos. 

The Kalua Pork purrs as you munch its shreds down to a savory juice. You can taste the smoky char as it permeates the meat. The sautéed cabbage is a fat-cutter that adds and extra crunch and I appreciate the small scoop of rice that soaks up all the drippings.

The Wasabi Ahi melts into a horseradish heaven. The bites will bite back, and the nose-clearing heat does build. It's poke with a more concentrated sauce. Don't skip the creamy wasabi-covered rice on the bottom either; it's arguably the best part of the taco. 

I love Island Tacos, and I love island tacos. It's that inspiring fusion of elements of Hawaiian cuisine with all the other cultures that blend. I love even more that you can get a full meal for a little over $10 a person, and at this quality for that price, how could you possible pass on Island Tacos? 

Shrimp Station - Waimea, HI

Lunch #1. A makeshift-looking shrimp stand with some picnic tables in front. 

Got Garlic? We did. We got easy-peel garlic shrimp! Super-succulent, super-fresh, with a white cream crack-sauce laced with garlic and wine. Pour it over the rice and/or fries when you're done...if you can fight the urge to drink it. Just don't waste a single drop!

The plates are disposable, and the food is fast and fabulous. Hand me one of those paper plates, and we can spend all day shelling the shrimp and shooting the sh**!

Day 6 - Roberts Hawaii, Kauai, HI

Early to rise to meet the Roberts Hawaii tour bus in Kapaa. We're taking a stress-free, let-someone-else-do-the-driving tour of the island, focusing on the sights around Waimea Canyon. 

Spouting Horn is the first of many spectacular sights, an oceanside geyser in all its glory. It's supposed to spray up to 50 feet, but it's more like a sputtering horn this morning; it spurts like someone with a nasty flu.

Next stop: the Hanapepe Valley Lookout. Everything lush and green all around, good practice if you're working on panoramas.

A short drive away, there's a few stairs to a terrace where the views of Waimea Canyon are unreal. Foliage plays off the rich red rocks, with peaks and valleys like varying brushstrokes on a canvas of sky. 

Zoom in to see a majestic waterfall.

A quick stop for snacks is in order - nothing works up an appetite like sitting in a small tour bus. Try the Apple Banana Lumpia, a crispy-to-gooey deep-fried banana-hammock.

They also sell some fresh Rambutan. A pain to peel, but the flesh is juicy, pulpy like a lychee, concentrated sugar like the a longan. 

Real lunch in Waimea town, more on that to follow.

We're past the halfway point of the tour, and I'm thinking Roberts Hawaii has earned their high ratings. The guide is an encyclopedia of island culture and knowledge, and she keep its interesting the whole ride through. 

She's telling us about the smaller islands as we pull into the Opaekaa Falls Lookout. 

It's a gorgeous waterfall, and we have ample time for selfies. 

The last journey on the tour is the Wailua River Boat Cruise. 

It's a booze cruise without the booze, a luxurious float down the river with some singing and some hula. 

Destination: Fern Grotto.

Named for the ferns that hang and grow from the rocks in every direction, they've already started to replenish since the flood. 

There's a gorgeous waterfall on the way there too.

It's all about the nature in Kauai. Who needs a golf course or a manicured resort when nature gives your canyons and hanging ferns? Roberts Hawaii makes for a stress-free tour, but they do a great job preserving the authenticity of the island and educating passengers about the culture. I usually don't enjoy being bused from one place to another and stopping for photos ten minutes at a time, but I really did enjoy this tour and left feeling like I actually learned something.

Anini Beach - Princeville, HI

One of the calmer beaches, especially compared to its North Shore siblings. 

Beautiful evening despite the cloudy overcast, and our wicker picnic basket is perfect for a sandy evening meal. 

It rained on us a little bit, and it was getting dark so no snorkeling or swimming tonight, but this is one we'll have to bookmark - I've heard their reef is a sight worth seeing.

Sushigirl Kauai - Kilauea, HI

I am so confused. How does a "sushi" shack full of bland stuff-stuffed bland stuff average 4.5 stars on Yelp? 

The O.G. sushi burrito was just bizarre. It's actually a burrito but with raw fish instead of meat. I love that it's wrapped in nori and soy paper, but tuna doesn't go with black beans. The sushi rice has no detectable vinegar and doesn't stick together in any of her creations, nothing is seasoned. The burrito comes with "yum yum sauce" for dipping, which tastes like mayo with a sriracha swirl. But mostly, it tastes like mayo. Are they allergic to salt?

They call this the Musubi, and I am very confused. This is a hand roll. Tuna, avocado, cucumber, sushi rice, wrapped in nori. HAND ROLL.

Don't bother with the musubi if you're getting a maki roll anyway. The Legend is a cut-up musubi with a sprig of green onion added inside. You're pretty conceited to name a roll of tuna, avocado, cucumber, and green onion "THE LEGEND". This is a roll every sushi restaurant makes, and many make it better. 

The ingredients are fresh, no doubt, but I am at an absolute loss as to how this place could net such a high rating. The rolls are bland, and I won't know that I could call any of this sushi. I might come back to try the poke if everything else on the island is closed, but I don't think I'd return if I could avoid it.

Koloa Mill Ice Cream & Coffee - Koloa, HI

I wanted some Asian-style shaved ice, but they really only do sno cones with flavored syrup. 

The banana mac nut ice cream is a lot of sugar, but if it's what you're looking for, it'll work.

It's like a candy store in here, with chocolates and gummies galore on all the shelves. Nice people, friendly service, but this one feels more like a tourist trap.

Koloa Fish Market - Koloa, HI

It's a short hike to and from the hole We've had a lot of raw fish on the island, and this fish market is the only one that comes close to Foodland. 

The Tako Poke is tender and juicy, Soft and simple with a touch of sweet onion. Wasabi Ahi Poke is a slow green burn, and I love the green masago for texture. 

More Tako because a single serving is never enough. This bowl has the Korean Ahi Poke is bright and spicy with a sprinkle of sesame to savor-out the gochujang. 

It's a sweet and simple little market, and it's kind of tucked into a corner in a complex, but do take the time to find it. The tako poke is the best one I've had on this island, and it's worth stopping for!

Day 5 - Makauwahi Cave & Tortoise Farm - Koloa, Kauai, HI

Me: What's the plan?

Him: We're going to see a giant hole. 

The hike to the giant hole starts with a view. Shipwreck Beach is stunning from above.

The hike down is a little bit tricky. You can see the cave a lot sooner than you can access it. 

Look for the tiny sign and duck under the crawl space to get into the pit.

There's not much space once you enter the mouth of the cave, just some pretty stalactites that hang from the ceiling. There's a tunnel that leads to an ancient burial ground, but it's understandably not open to the public. 

Still, palms and ferns are just stunning against the rocky backdrop. Kauai really does have the best colors.

Probably my favorite part of this trip: tortoises. GIANT tortoises!

This tortoise farm is a short swing-by after you exit the cave complex, and these wise-looking, go-nowhere-fast, nature's-first-mobile-home reptiles are the best.

Shipwreck Beach is breathtaking, and the sand is soft.The water is cold, and there's a reason it's called "shipwreck" so we won't be swimming. 

I'm in love with the lava rock.

And with this man.