The Bistro - Kilauea, Kauai, HI

As generic as the name would imply, they leave nothing to the imagination.

And if the Steamed Seafood is any indication, they don't have much of an imagination either. This is a bowl of what-you-do-with-seafood-at-the-end-of-its-shelf-life. The fish has the texture of rubber, the prawns taste like they've been set out to dry, and it all stews in an old oil that tastes like basil and sludge.

The Buttermilk Fried Mussels are a considerable improvement. The breading does have that sweeter milky highlight, and the mussels stay tender underneath. 

You can’t go wrong with a Beet Salad...or so we thought. Beets and goat cheese are basic, and a lilikoi dressing sounds like a sure thing. But I can't taste any of the dressing, and the beets are slimy like slices of a slug.

The Risotto is edible, it's rice in a cheese bath, fondue in a bowl. The parmesan is mild, and the butter is abundant, and the jumbo shrimp are perfectly cooked. I just wish we had more than four of them

I'm officially afraid of fine dining thanks to The Bistro. The building is quite pretty, and the service is friendly and sweet, but the dining is traumatic. It was the first and last time we did more formal dining on the island, and it was the most regrettable experience of the trip!