Bubba’s Burgers - Koloa, HI

This is where you go to grab a quick burger. In the true spirit of the island, Bubba's says to come as you are. Situated in an upscale shopping center, Bubba's is a reprieve from the colorful prints and patterns that beckon and threaten, to entice you and pry open your wallet.

Casual to the core, the seating is relaxed, and the setting is self-serve once you grab your 100% Kauai beef from the counter. 

I get the feeling Kauai beef is a lot leaner than the grocery-store stuff I’m used to. Whatever the fat content, the flavor is distinct. Dense with a gamey finish, robust and lingering in the Double Bubba. This 1/3 pounder with cheese hits your meat craving where it hurts. 

Not enough meat for you? Try the Double Slopper. It's the double bubba half the carbs, open-face, replaced with a large ladle of chili. It's the kind of thing you'd see a guy in a beater spooning off a TV tray, and it's all kinds of comfort.

They have sides too, Frings for the indecisive, fries or onion rings if you know what you want. The fries are crispy, and onion ring batter will do.

They also sell shirts with lawyer jokes, and that makes Bubba’s my kind of place. A wallet-friendly chill and chili, welcoming you to bum around and have a burger. There is no bad time to go to Bubba's. You could do worse when you're in town. 

Lappert's Hawaii - Koloa, HI

They have a mainland name-twin, but this Lappert's is exclusive to the islands. They make ice cream and gelato, giant cases of the cold stuff and a small window with some sweets. 

My Waffle Bowl overflows with roasted banana and salted caramel gelato, a creamy scoop of sweetness that melts a little faster than the more frozen Nene Tracks. The ice cream is firmer and harder in texture, different and just as awesome. I love the milky vanilla base with all its mixed-in nuttiness, and ribbons of dark chocolate fudge and salted caramel add a texture like gooey silk. 

I've never had mainland Lappert's, but I don't really care. Lappert's Hawaii is as sweet and pretty as everything on the island, and they're a great reason to revisit!

Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse - Koloa, HI

It took me decades to make it to Ruth’s Chris; better late than never. Huge high-end chain with a hub in every city and town in this country, and they've even crossed the Pacific to deliver quality steak. 

Be prepared. You'll get quality for sure, but if you're looking for the creativity inherent in fine dining, you won't find it here. There’s no thinking outside the box, no innovation, but sometimes a steak is just a steak and it only needs to be a steak. 

Bite into that Filet Mignon and tell me you want more. That steak is so tender you can use your knife to shave not saw. 

Have a few triple-thick, triple-fat bone-in Lamb Chops if you're gaming for something gamey. Order medium rare and swallow with every chew or you'll drown in all that juice. 

I hate getting salads at steakhouses, but their Caesar Salad is a nice one. You need some greens to break up the meat anyway. 

That said, I'd rather have the Brussels Sprouts. The bacon adds some oomph, and the bitter finish is a necessary reset. 

I'm describing in reverse order, saving the best for last. Butter-doused Crab Cakes, patties of lump crab with maximum flavor and minimum filler. It's like biting into a fresh crab except someone did the hard work for you and took off all the shells.

I would come back. You know what you're getting here and you get what you pay for. IF you're craving a good steak, you could do worse than this. Chains really aren't my thing, but at Ruth's Chris, I'll bite. 

Pizzetta - Koloa, HI

Ten dollars buys you a slice and a salad at Pizzette, a lunch special worth pausing for if shopping makes you hungry. 

The house-made sausage is sweet with a dash of spice on the slice of the day, and the slice itself is big enough to be two. There’s so much cheese it’s drooping off the sides, and it makes a long string when you take a bite. 

The salad is served in a sizeable side dish. The house is standard, but I’m happier with my Caesar. 

If you’re looking for some other options, the Bruschetta is one of many apps, and they handle their tomatoes. Very ripe and sun-sweet, on small toasts soaked in juice and basil. 

Decent quality for not very much, a not-regrettable short stop in Koloa town. I don’t know how often I’d choose pizza over poke in Kauai, but I would consider Pizzette when I’m craving those carbs. 

Brennecke’s Beach Broiler - Koloa, HI

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila; floor. That’ll happen to you before you see the bottom of two of their famous Mai Tais.

I’m not sure how they got famous as I imagine a pretty good percentage of their customers can’t remember drinking them, but the one I had was damn good. It’s rummy in the tummy, tempered with some lime and sugar from the curaçao. If you’re one of those people who really need to get their money’s worth, don’t worry, you’ll get a generous pour. 

They have flat screens for you if you’re trying to watch a game, and they have plenty of burgers to go with a ball-watching beer. The Paniolo Burger gets all the food groups into a tropical theme with a juicy pineapple ring on a juicy, guava-plum sauce-covered patty. There’s some lettuce, tomato, and sautéed onions too so you can feel like you ate your vegetables.

Nobody makes a bowl of raw fish like the Hawaiians, but I’m happy for something cooked. They do a giant steaming platter of crunchy Fish & crispy Chips featuring they-weren’t-kidding fresh ono in a firm but fluffy beer batter. 

Go to the neighboring Beach Deli when you’re done. That half lilikoi, half mango sugar-shaved ice will really beat the heat.

But think carefully before you depart.  This view isn’t one you’ll easily leave.

Koloa Mill Ice Cream & Coffee - Koloa, HI

I wanted some Asian-style shaved ice, but they really only do sno cones with flavored syrup. 

The banana mac nut ice cream is a lot of sugar, but if it's what you're looking for, it'll work.

It's like a candy store in here, with chocolates and gummies galore on all the shelves. Nice people, friendly service, but this one feels more like a tourist trap.

Koloa Fish Market - Koloa, HI

It's a short hike to and from the hole We've had a lot of raw fish on the island, and this fish market is the only one that comes close to Foodland. 

The Tako Poke is tender and juicy, Soft and simple with a touch of sweet onion. Wasabi Ahi Poke is a slow green burn, and I love the green masago for texture. 

More Tako because a single serving is never enough. This bowl has the Korean Ahi Poke is bright and spicy with a sprinkle of sesame to savor-out the gochujang. 

It's a sweet and simple little market, and it's kind of tucked into a corner in a complex, but do take the time to find it. The tako poke is the best one I've had on this island, and it's worth stopping for!