The Drought Kitchen, The Test Kitchen - Cape Town, South Africa

Save the best for last. The Test Kitchen: it's not just food, it's an experience. 

An adventurous chef, a remarkable man with an eye for detail, a passion for creativity, and a social sensitivity that rounds out this rare trifecta.

He leaves a letter to his guests on each table, and it makes a fascinating read. Rather than working around the drought or through it, he embraces it as inspiration. As an effort to reduce dishes, for example, he creates a plate that resembles a paper canvas; painting, sketching, smearing his delectable art within a wooden frame. 

The first course starts with an amuse bouche of delicate greens for dipping. The tiny radishes are almost too cute to eat, and the leaves are a sassy assortment that have some bite to them. The sauces are unique - the green is an uplifting garden, the brown a grounding gravy.

Next a never-go-wrong trio of tender Wagyu Biltong spun around a pungent  licorice skewer, a luscious Lamb Bruschetta with buttery bone marrow and burning angel hair chilis, and a delicate Fried Curry Leaf with a robust chick pea and an airy sour cream and lemon preserve.

The creamy Goat's Cheese permeates a panna cotta that quivers in anticipation of the glossy babaganouj. A single green bean lends a breath of fresh, green air, making those drops of marjoram oil fly. The spritz of frozen goat cheese makes the dish move, and the hint of pine needles puts some spring in its step. Each item can be consumed alone, but they make an explosive combination together. That said, putting them together is quite a bit of work...

You try not to fill up on bread, but each piece is exquisite. From the crusty Country Loaf to the caramelized Onion and Leek, finishing with an otherworldly Sweet Potato Lamb Fat.

"Deconstructed" seems to be a prevailing theme. The TTK Tuna Nicoise Salad is a fantastic example of constructive deconstruction, where deconstruction does not equal destruction. Ring around the rosy tuna, one topped with a delicate poached quail egg, both encircled by all sorts of curiosities. The kimchee sweet potato is a highlight, and the grey stuff, it's delicious! It's tofu garlic paste, and the garlic makes it taste a tiny bit fermented, like stinky tofu without the stink.

The menu diverges here, and that's what husbands are for. I try the Pork Jowl Salad and Trotter Pie first, and it's absolutely fantastic. The jowl is a fatty melt, and with a sweet n' smoky apple chimney and comfy cabbage, both confit and pickled. The pie is so much mouth-watering, lardy good stuff, with an edgy accent of blue cheese.

We make a halftime switch, and I get the Beef Sweetbread. This one is breathtaking, a glandular cushion on a mat of mushrooms. The porcini hollandaise is, as the server described it, "to DIE for," the moist morels just ooze with dampness and dew. Sheets of pickled king oyster mushroom line the bottom, an extra layer of refreshing earth.

Next comes the perfect South African steak. Rare medallions of Springbok sing with audacity as they bleed of bone marrow and beetroot.

And just like that, dinner is done. Dessert is a Tea Roasted Quince, gelatinous, barely-there fruit with a statement rum and raisin ice cream and nutty Madeleines. 

The canvas is painted with a hardly-sweet quince syrup, a treat both tasty and aesthetic. 

Last but not least, the Petit Fours are bittersweet, much like the end of this meal. The ginger and cardamom are bold against an unsweetened 100% chocolate backdrop, and the gold leaf is simply a layer of luxury.

The Test Kitchen is a taste of South Africa, my whole beautiful trip an art on a canvas, painted across a culinary sky. Everything about this country is a work of art, and everything I've experienced is as unique and unforgettable as the one before. 

Words cannot express how much I appreciate the experience. The Test Kitchen possesses its own distinct creativity. It was voted #63 in the world for good reason, but it's really in a league of its own.

Biltong and Droewers - Gordon's Bay, South Africa

This is when we start to taste the benefits of knowing a local. These benefits are delicious, BTW.

Harry directs us to a local biltong butchery, where we choose a hanging slab of the good stuff with a satisfying strip of fat down the side. The meat itself is juicy. It can be more dry like jerky, but I love how soft and tender the wetter cuts can get. The center glows red and rare, and the seasoning penetrates all the way through to bring out all the aromas of the beef.

Equally soft sticks of droewers makes me understand what Slim Jim was aiming for. Rich with coriander seed spices and pebbled with melty fat, this is no ordinary sausage.

Grand Daddy Hotel & Thirty Ate, Cape Town, South Africa - Days 14-16

From a spacious game reserve to...a trailer park. 

The Bloomin' Daisies trailer with its cheerfully-painted flowers beckons from a Cape Town roof deck, and I booked Grand Daddy Hotel without hesitation. 

I failed to see the flaw in my plan. Having never stayed in an airstream trailer, I had no idea how little space I had to share with a larger man. 

It's not spacious, but it could have been fun if not for the roof deck. A nonstop outdoor party with a full menu and its own bar, partying on the roof deck is always an option. Unfortunately, it is a mandatory option if you're staying in the extremely NOT soundproof trailer right next to the party. With music blaring until at least 9 or 10 PM and people shouting over the music, there is no going to bed early, even if you have a 5 AM shark dive. 

My experience, until this point, has been my lack of foresight, for which the hotel is not responsible. What I do hold them responsible for is the bare-minimum, sometimes terrible service. They denied us valet parking during our stay, forcing us to pay for public parking instead of their reduced rates. Plus, they gave us a bottle of drinking water (each room gets two per day), on which the top had broken in transit. Shards of glass were crumbling in my hand and had fallen into the bottle. When I asked for a new bottle, the concierge glared at me. "You already have two bottles in your room." He said this over and over no matter how I tried to explain. I'm not sure which special jerk academy this guy went to, but I've truly never had service this bad.

Otherwise, everything was clean, and the hotel was fine, though a little bit pricey. Breakfast is included at the adjoining Thirty Ate restaurant.

They make a nice Latte, and the cappuccino is nice as well. 

The Continental Selection is a lighter option, a buttery croissant and crunchy toast with supermarket light blue cheese, a cute little pot of preserves, and plain yogurt.

Daddy's Pancakes are pretty fluffy, sweet with strawberries and gooey caramelized banana. Strips of chewy, wide-cut bacon add the savory. 

Another option is the Rustic. Break the fried egg yolks and let the yellow ooze its way through a bed of mild chorizo, sautéed onions, and chunky potato. 

We could do worse for breakfast. Everything tastes fresh, and it's all made quite well, so when we were too tired to go out one night, we had dinner there as well.

Dinner was a mistake. Despite the hit-the-spot Chicken Schnitzel, the experience was appalling.

Things started to go downhill when the server brought me Avocado Toast & Bacon Jam. The plate looked delicious, the avocado ripe and the bacon jam a gooey sweet n' savory side...Except I ordered the Baked Camembert. It would have been an honest mistake, had I not pointed to the menu while I ordered. The server came back to tell me that they were out of Camembert. Likely story...the kitchen also happened to be closing and cheese takes a while to bake. Make of it what you will.

I asked for the check multiple times when we were clearly finished. Multiple times. He never brought it until my husband asked.

Grand Daddy Hotel, despite a convenient location and a high-potential experience, is nothing more than a costly tourist trap. The hotel and its restaurant do not cater to their customers, and between the incorrect dinner order and a bottle of broken glass, I recommend you steer clear. At the end of the day, it's just another tourist trap. 

Seaforth Restaurant - Simons Town, South Africa - Day 14

It's only a minute from Boulder's Beach and half a second from the public parking lot. 

The booths on the beach-side balcony offer quite the view of the ocean and the soon-to-be setting sun.

We waltz in a mere 30 minutes before the kitchen closes, but they accommodate us politely, and the menu features jumbo portions at shockingly fair prices. Our friends are locals, and they are equally surprised by the fairness of the pricing here. 

Fish & Chips is staple of every menu in town, and this one is done quite nicely. A giant slab of hake has a thick layer of batter, but where others are smothering, this one is satisfying and a perfect golden-brown.

The Calamari Strips taste fresh, and they've got the breading just right on these as well. They're uneven with a loud crunch and the texture of individual, well-seasoned breadcrumbs, and they wash down very well. 

It's the perfect end to a perfect day. Everything is beautiful, and the icing on the cake is our stumbling upon this lovely restaurant that charges fair prices for good food and delivers smiling service with each plate. I'm sure there's a lot of see in Simons Town, but I'm also sure that Seaforth is a sight worth seeing!

The Thirsty Oyster, Gordon's Bay, South Africa - Day 13

Leaving Chamonix is bittersweet like I've never known. But after almost a week in food-and-booze tourist-heaven, I'm eager for a change of pace.

Gordon's Bay is a short sidetrack on our way back to Cape Town. A gorgeous harbor town along the Western Cape, Gordon's Bay promises a different kind of adventure, and most importantly, Gordon's Bay has Justin's high school buddy Harry.

Harry greets us at his spacious home, and he has us sitting seaside at the Thirsty Oyster, lunching with the locals while he and Justin reminisce about their crazy adolescent times. Apparently I was reallyREALLY boring as a teen - my affinity for street racers will never in any way equal their antics, but at least I have his girlfriend Kerryn for compan - she is the sweetest and possibly the easiest-to-get-along-with person I've ever met. Plus she works at the Thirsty Oyster so we get all sorts of great service and smiles.

The second floor patio of the Thirsty Oyster overlooks a beautiful pier, docked with dinghies and sailboats as guys grill fresh seafood outside. A bottle of Buitenverwachtnig Buiten Blanc washes down smooth and light-white, and soon I'm the most relaxed I've been all year.

Starting with West Coast Oysters. Freshly shucked, more butter than brine, a smooth and approachable finish. Perfect with a squeeze of lemon, and add a drop of hot sauce if you're brave.

This will be the 40th time we have underestimated South African portion size, and this Pan o' Prawns makes American portions look measly. There are so many juicy, jumbo, butterflied shrimp in this stainless steel skillet, and every single one of those shrimp tastes as succulent and well-spiced as the one before it. Garlic butter and lemon butter are popular toppings, and peri-peri sauce is a zesty mix.  

I got the flame-grilled Tuna before I knew how much shrimp we were getting. The tuna is seasonal, and 'tis the season for this fresh, meaty brick of red.

Lunching with the locals is probably one of the coolest things we've done in South Africa. There is an irresistible charm to truly relaxing by the bay with friends both old and new, and our visits to Gordon's Bay are among my favorite excursions of this trip.

Still to come: dinner at the long-anticipated Test Kitchen. That review will have to wait. In order to end this trip on a high note, I'll save the other best for last.