Nkambeni - Kruger National Park, South Africa

"Basic" accommodations, she said. Platform tents, she said. She called it glamping. Glamping my ass; this is nicer than most hotels. They may be shaped like tents, and the walls may be fabric but how many tents come with temperature control and two showers, indoor and out?

Gorgeous accommodations, great food. Plenty of buffet stations at breakfast and dinner, lots of choices, and all of them fresh and beckoning.

Just a plate of vegetables to start. Fresh broccoli, mini zucchini and yellow squash. Perfectly cooked, lightly salted and peppered.

Vegetarian pasta bathed in tomato cream, candied sweet potatoes are spot-on, and crisp green beans add another option for veg. There's a gamey, gravy-heavy Impala Stew for the carnivores. 

No less than two drool-worthy meats at the carving station: I skip the chicken but I can't look away from the Lamb, which is out of this world, tender and juicy, best roast I've had in a while.

Dessert has all the good stuff. Flan, brownies, a sweet tart, and the delicious white stuff that tastes like a bag of sugar that married pudding and mousse.

I had seconds. It may be sweetness overload, but it's fun. There's also a traditional South Africa apple crumble with warm custard on top. The apples are more baked and chewy than gooey and soft, and the topping is like liquid icing but less sweet. Two major differences from the US, and I like both better.

Breakfast has all the important things and then a few more. Yay hash browns, and mushrooms and peppers make major yum with scrambled eggs. Yes, I grabbed a pickle for breakfast, and yes, there's even a fried fishcake if you're up for it.

We were with a tour group, but even if you're not, especially if you're not, Nkambeni is likely the best option outside the park. Conveniently located next to the entrance, it minimizes the back and forth and gets you some extra sleep before you line up for permits...Did I mention the tents are gorgeous?

Skukuza Golf Club - Kruger National Park, South Africa

A strange sight to see, 18 holes inside a safari park. I'm told the course was started as a form of recreation for the employees, but looking at those morning crowds; which guides, cashiers, and servers have time to hit a few balls before dark?

Plenty of golf shirts, though. Plenty of popped collars to go around, but we're just here for the food. 

I get the meh Chicken Mayonnaise. I like that they use dark meat, but good luck finding it buried in the mayo.

The Bacon & Egg Sandwich: Bacon runs thick and chewy here, a texture similar to heated ham. The slices are long and wide, like squares of smoked, mostly-fat deli meat. If you're craving a breakfast sandwich, it'll do.

Sure, Skukuza Golf Club for lunch, why not? It's not bad; it's just not that good.

Cattle Baron - Skukuza, Kruger National Park, South Africa

Night 1: We stay in Skukuza. Our first and only night inside the park. Basic circular cabins carry all amenities including an outdoor cooking area and a fridge. 

Not that you need them; Nhongo provides an ample food allowance to cover your dinner and your breakfast.

Their restaurant is the Cattle Baron. Service is SLOW so don't stop for a sit-down if you have somewhere to go. 

The Meat Board for Two is perfect for couples who are indecisive or enjoy making poor decisions together. The samples are sizable, though sticking with their flaming filet would have been the better choice. The sirloin is on the dry side, the venison is tough, and their "cattle baron bernaise" taste suspiciously like a mix of BBQ with a dash of A1. 

Dinner disappoints somewhat, but the breakfast buffet is fun. Avoid the pancakes - they're the texture of a frisbee. The Beef Sausage is salty and a bit dry, much tougher than the Pork Sausage, and the bacon is chewy rather than crisp, but that seems to be the style in South Africa. The sautéed onions and mushrooms are perfect - I've never been to a country that can sauté so consistently, as strange as it sounds.

Pap is a new item for us, a thick cornmeal with the texture and finish of solid grits. Bland and filling, it sinks in your stomach like a pleasurable rock, keeping you full all day. Definitely add some of that stewed tomato sauce, though, as the pap itself is as bland as it looks.

Nhongo doesn't give you lunch, but after breakfast we start to see why. It's not easy to eat after these keep-you-full-all-day buffets, and although I'm not the biggest fan of Cattle Baron, I do appreciate their pricing.

Kruger National Park, South Africa - Days 4-8

Nhongo Safaris came highly recommended from a friend. We knew they were good, but we're clueless tourists  and figured at a price that affordable, no way were they THAT good. 

They are THAT good. And better. They only hired 4 full time guides, and you don't apply, you get chosen. They have their sh*t together; just trust. Send an email, get a reply within 24 hours. Ask a question, get a full, honest answer that includes all you need to know. And that's 3 months before the safari.

Amanda. Request Amanda. I don't know the other guides, but I don't need to. No one is going to know more than she does - she can tell you about the animals, every behavior, every inclination. She can identify species of flying birds you can barely see at a single glance, and she can literally tell you about every blade of grass on the ground. You don't need a book or a phone when you have Amanda. Plus she's fun.

Here's a sampling of animals from our game drives. There's something new and beautiful every day.

Something I didn't know: Nhongo gets park permits in advance. Queue up for hours of you're anyone else, otherwise cruise past the progressively angering crowds in the comfort of your Nhongo jeep. Half those people are still waiting by the time you finish your morning drive, and you can just smile from under the warm blankets they provide for protection against the morning chill. 

Nhongo gives you a lot of reasons to smile. You may find cheaper tours, you may try to drive yourself. You may save some money, but you'd be robbing yourself.