Blue Heron French Cheese Company - Tillamook, OR

Down the street from the Tillamook madness sits a cheese barn that makes their own Brie (which is quite good) and scoops Tillamook ice cream without the wait. 

We stuck to some stress-free Cookies n’ Cream, and it was awesome. 

They also have a candy shop that sells things your kids want that you don’t want to buy so of course I had to try a Warheads Soda. 

Don’t bother, it tastes like a warhead after you suck the sour off so it’s like a mix of candy and saliva. 

They also have an impressive assortment of animals to pet, including the sweetest donkeys, a baa-baa black sheep, and even some fuzz-face alpacas. I never thought I’d find donkeys to be cute but those eyes…

Their outdoor seating is dog- and family-friendly, and they sell simple deli sandwiches and charcuterie plates as well as wine flights. Far better than a touristy factory - we should have started here.  

Old Oregon Smokehouse - Tillamook, OR

Forget the creamery. Fried seafood sits right across the street with easy parking, outdoor seating, and no lines to speak of. 

They make a mean fish-fry - these Popcorn Shrimp have a fantastic batter. 

I went all out with a Crab Melt, and omg. Not a good omg. The slab of bread is long, and they’re not stingy about the crab. Nor are they stingy about the salt and the creamy, mayo-esque sauce-cheese mix, and herein lies the problem. There’s as much of the goop as there is crab so you’re not tasting crab, just scraping off sauce. I literally didn’t eat dinner because of this and I didn’t even finish.

Still, I love this place. The fried seafood is solid, and I’d come back for some family-fried fish n’ chips any day. 

Tillamook Creamery - Tillamook, OR

A much-anticipated trip to Tillamook Creamery turns out to be disappointing. A weekend visit culminates in being crammed 50 people deep with every line snaking out the door. This crowd is a contraindication to food or ice cream when you’re traveling with a tantrum-prone toddler. 

The free self-guided tour is cool, giving you a peek directly onto the factory floor where 40-pounds blocks of cheese are reduced to tiny packages. 

Free cheeses are a much-needed snack after navigating through this chaos. They give sizable samples - the White Cheddar is the best.