The Lounge Restaurant - Mespil Hotel - Dublin, Ireland

I finally get my Guinness, and we toast our final destination, the end of our adventure. 

We're so starving and tired as we sink into the comfy couch of this rather sleek and upscale restaurant-lounge. The menu is full of classy comforts, the ingredients are of unquestionable quality. 

The Slow-Cooked Feather Blade of Beef is so beautifully tender it shreds under the tines, and the bits of tendon inside dissolve to add a texture both gooey and rich. The mushroom caps are juicy, the pile of potatoes are buttery fluff, and the tomatoes are hot and fresh.

Pan Fried Seabass is a perfect plate of fish, all buttery bits with a crispy skin. The beurre blanc will make you lick the plate, the mussels add a splendid savor, and the fresh English peas and broccolini are the best vegetable I've had this trip. 

The kid's menu has a pretty solid cheese Pizza, a generic combination of crust and topping and sauce, but it's something a kid is sure to eat so I'd call that a true success.

It's a generic 4-star meal, but I mean that in a good way. The food is straightforward, but it's a fantastic iteration of the things you know and love. You can count on this menu to deliver the finer-dining dishes impeccably, and everything you order is fresh and flawless.

The Artisan - Belfast, UK

In case you couldn’t tell, this will not be a food-focused trip, with my usual Michelin missions and hunt for the lauded, the exotic, the worshipped, and the obscure utterly torpedoed by one picky eater and one who can't behave in nice places. 

This is a restaurant at the airport. At least I got the Loughnane Guinness sausage. Lots of salt, gravy not great. 

Better than the burger, but all pretty standard airport fare. 

Northing to write home about, and we had to eat in a state of constant stress because they don't announce the gates until your flight starts boarding, which means a frenzied run with kids in tow, waiting in line for the elevator. Food is fine, but not my best experience.

Anne’s Cafe - Portrush, UK

I’ve never had such good food from such an unappealing menu. All basics, all boring, but they make boring good. 

Everything here has such pure flavors, like this rock of a plain Scone that leaves the clean taste of fresh flour to linger. I've never seen the kiddos eat anything so feverishly fast. 

The Breakfast Wrap is the most delightful burrito, wrapping eggs and the meats of the Ulster fry inside a large tortilla. The beans are a bonus. 

Is it me or does the beef taste more like beef? A Cheeseburger is just a cheeseburger, but this patty is just so good, and the soft, fluffy roll ties it all together.

We didn’t realize how much they were gouging us up at the causeway. The portions here are bigger, the quality better than comparable, for literally less than half the cost. I don't know what it is about this sweet little cafe with its nondescript decor and platefuls of familiar food, but its charm is undeniable. I'm sure there's similar or better food throughout the town, but I'd 100% come here again. 

The Nook - Bushmills, UK

Lunch is my chance to change things up, though it seems this menu shares many things with the hotel restaurant. 

Still, there are extra offerings, including a Traditional Irish Stew which provides the comfort I seek. It’s hot lamb with potatoes and carrots cooked to a tenderness that only comes with time. It's seasoned well and keeps out the cold and warms the soul.

5 pounds each is rather steep for a single Scone, but these homemade beauties are amazing and can be enjoyed plain or with cream and jam. This one is a daily special with fresh raspberries and a coat of white chocolate. There's a "fruit scone" that's mostly raisins, also quite fantastic. 

Scones are the way to go, and I did enjoy the stew. The Nook is the better option for lunch for sure, but try to arrive at odd hours to beat the rush. 

The Hip Chip - Bushmills, UK

 

Great place to get a fast Fish Supper and to get a lot for not too much. It's an entire filet-and-a-half upon a pile of chips, and it's all made to order. I don't know which fish they used, but it's firm and white with a meatier flesh that holds up well. Do eat carefully - you'll inevitably find a few bones.

It's not fancy, more like fast casual, but it looks like mostly locals in line. Not a reason to drive into town but not a bad choice when you're there. 

Causeway Hotel Restaurant - Ballycastle, UK

We’ve tried much of the menu at our hotel restaurant, mostly because that's about all there is to eat up here. Breakfast comes with the room so it’s silly not to have it, and there’s nothing else within walking distance after 5 pm. With the events of the next few days, it’s really our only option, takeaway or otherwise. 

The Causeway Breakfast Grill includes everything in an Irish breakfast, lots of protein and a couple bits of carb. There’s a juicy Butchers Breakfast Pork Sausage with a sweeter finish, a slice of back bacon that has a strip of bacon sticking out from a circle of leaner ham. The grilled tomato spews geysers of juice, and there’s a little pile of mushrooms as well. There’s a fried egg with a running yolk to dip the buttery triangle of potato bread and chewy bit of soda farl which has a yeasty taste and mushy-mochi feel, dense and wet where bread is fluff and air. 

The Fluffy Pancake Stack is just that. Good for adults, even better for hungry kids. 

The Smoked Salmon is of whatever quality, but it’s nice enough on a dense slab of wheaten bread with a pile of scrambled eggs. 

The Porridge is surprisingly delicious, smooth with just the right bit of texture and a beautiful fresh-milk finish that tastes like grassy fields. 

Raid the Continental Breakfast buffet for staples. Cereal, yogurt, and toast are sprinkled with a sparse selection of fruit, and a few pastries that run out fast. 

The coffee, oh my, the coffee. It's in a league of its own...because I didn't know a league this bad could exist. It is like a person who has never tasted or made coffee described it to someone who’s never tasted or made coffee and then that person made it. Just use the nespresso in your room.  

Lunch and dinner vary in quality, depending on what you order. 

There’s a Roast Silverside of Beef Sunday special with a description that sounds so much better than it is. The scant slices of beef are tough and dry despite being doused in a rather revolting gravy. I didn’t understand the blandness everyone associates with UK fare until I encountered this. Yorkshire pudding is the only good part, a crispy, eggy pocket filled with horseradish cream. The carrots are cooked properly, but the Brussels are steamed to a slimy pulpy consistency and they’re dreadful. 

Don't despair, not everything on the menu is quite that bad. There’s a caramelised onion and goat’s cheese tartlet that’s more like a quiche, filled with fluffy eggs and plenty of creamy cheese. 

There’s always local beer battered fish as a fallback, featuring very crispy fish, flaky and white, fairly fresh. Triple cooked chips have a good crunch, and love ‘em or hate ‘em, there's a dot of mushy peas for some green.

The Open Steak Sandwich is my favorite thing by far. Soft ciabatta encases a McAtamney’s rolled rump which is quite tender and topped with caramelized onions. Order medium rare at most - it’s barely even pink. Pro tip: use the leftover peppercorn sauce to dip your chips - it’s nicely meaty and the black pepper adds a bite.

Afternoon Tea is only for two so if you’re dining solo, not only are you lonely, you also don't get tea. 

I wouldn't say you're missing out anyway - I would say it's only alright. There’s a sausage roll with a flaky crust, smoked salmon on dense black bread. Egg salad is okay but then there’s a ham sandwich with an off-putting jelly/relish. Plain scones are delectably doughy, and when combined with jam and clotted cream are expectedly delicious.

The top tier is dense desserts, with a thick strawberry shortcake, a cheesecake with a crust full of freezer burn, and a chocolate cake that begs to be shared. 

The only dessert I can recommend is the only one I tried. The Bushmills Pecan Nut Pie is honestly just a pecan pie, but that happens to be my favorite pie, and it really is quite good. 

The rooms have no refrigeration, and any other food requires a drive to Bushmills proper. The food is truly okay overall aside from the coffee, but the prices are rather high, and I wouldn't have eaten here more than once by choice.