Sibling Rivalry Sins - Boston

When one blind man leads another, they will both fall into a ditch. When one man without taste buds/man who delusionally thinks he is a foodie leads another, they will end up eating at Sibling Rivalry. My friend and I came because we loved the concept of dueling dishes between dueling chef brothers. Sadly, both cook more like Cain than Abel.

We ordered different things from the prix fixe menu and shared them. How does a place that charges such exorbitant prices for their food take no pride in making it well? How is it possible for the food to become lukewarm in the 10 feet between the kitchen and the table? At $25 per plate, the least they can do is make it to order or microwave it for a little longer.

The food lacks all creativity, and I can only really say is that it was cooked properly. On the plus side, the steamed mussels had a great sauce. The Moroccan lamb appetizer was interesting, and the duck was decent but covered in excessive fat. As in it was a slab of meat, not cut prettily, and not cleaned up at all. Isn't sloth one of the 7 deadly sins? Although "failure to utilize one's talents and gifts" assumes that one possesses either or both...The chili relleno was tasteless, and like everything else, unremarkable. DO NOT order the scallops - the sauce is sourly vile.

Props for the décor – it is REALLYREALLYREALLY hard to furnish a restaurant in an all-orange color scheme, including the wood paneling on the ceiling AND the tables AND the vinyl booths in burnt orange WITH tiny dim ceiling lamps. I was seriously afraid of eating inside a giant jack o’lantern but it was actually pretty classy though a little hard to see. Maybe they figured people wouldn’t realize how uncreative and tasteless the food was if they couldn’t see it?

One word sums up my experience: Ugh.

I certainly won’t be back.

An American in Paris Creperie - Brookline

I’m fighting the urge to give this place an extra star for the amusingly entertaining display at the table next to mine. How this family crawled out of their trailer and into a creperie escapes me, but it made my day to hear a woman (with her two young children!) shout “HAHA I spilled water on your crotch dad so now it looks like you peed on yourself!” Did I mention that “dad” was in his 60s? Charming. Her children have an excellent role model.

Appetizer tangent before the entrees: This woman looked exactly like Tanya Harding with curlier hair. Due to my love and immense working knowledge of figure skating, I kept my knees tucked securely under the table, refrained from making eye contact with her and had my friend get our silverware just in case the baby’s rattle she was holding was a cleverly disguised hammer…too soon?

Sadly, Tanya Harding & co failed to improve the flavor of the tragically mediocre crepes so this place gets only 3 stars but is nonetheless recommended as a reasonably priced fun place to take your Francophile friends when visiting Brookline.

Crepes:

Asian Peking – Jasmine rice my a$$! It’s just regular white rice. Which is fine. Really. It’s not a big deal, I like regular white rice. But don’t lie! Geez…

Not enough hoisin sauce but the duck meat is good and it’s fun if you’re craving non-sesame chicken Chinese food but suffer from duckophobia. (Duckophobia = my personal coined term for irrational fear of Chinatown exacerbated by hanging ducks). I really should start a foodfreelancer dictionary for all my made-up terms and adjectives. Would you buy a copy if I did?

Lox & Eggs – If you like smoked salmon and you’re in the mood for something breakfast-y or brunch-y and hot, this really hits the spot. And chances are, it’s cheaper than what a diner or brunch restaurant would charge for lox. I was pretty happy…

Lemon & Sugar – BIG YUM! I prefer plain sugar but the lemon is a nice touch, especially if you’re the person who squeezes multiple lemon wedges into every glass of sweet tea (guilty!). It’s not the best crepe I’ve ever had, but who’s really going to top Paris, Grasse, Avignon, and Monaco?

I wouldn’t come back here, probably because it’s not worth the trek out to Brookline for me personally. But you should…if a crepe craving hits you. Maybe you’ll catch an even more amusing show than I did.

Myers & Chang Chowdown - Boston

Afraid your dietary restrictions will keep you from eating here? No way. There’s  a vegetarian menu and a nut-free menu. There’s a gluten-free menu so even Celiac’s won’t stop you. And seriously, you should eat here. Just be careful what you actually order.

Lingering question: how many different people decorated this place? The outside is looks hipster-modern with the artsy red pattern, but the inside has padded minimalist in-my-dining-room chairs and newspaper place mats. Not understanding how any of this goes together. But no worries – the service is excellent and the food is good.

For the food, I think I’ll create a domestic disturbance by pitting Myers and Chang against each other to see whose culinary inspirations ranked supreme. It looks like I credit Chang with all the good things and blame Myers for all the mistakes…

Myers:

Minus 1: Kimchee Pancake: Ummm….did you forget to add the kimchee? It doesn’t even taste like kimchee. Just two layers of flat fried dough with a sparse soggy layer of cabbage in between. And the dipping sauce? Which isn’t even spicy? Isn’t that the point of kimchee? Thanks for ruining a perfectly good Asian tradition, white boy.

Minus 10: Fried Oysters w/fermented black beans: Ummm…did you forget to add the oyster? Did you think that you could up your profit margin if you put balls of fried dough in oyster shells instead of actual oyster?

Plus 1: Short rib taco: Juicy, nicely braised meat. Hated the chili-sesame salsa, which was way too salty, a bit too mushy, and not a compliment to the meat (Minus 1 for Chang!). But the corn soft taco shells are amazing. Cleverly, each taco has two wrappers so they don’t get soggy or fall apart in your hand.

Chang:

Plus 1: Tea Smoked Ribs: I didn’t expect them to be sweet but they were wonderfully sweet and the smoky tea flavor is definitely in there. The ribs are savory to the bone, literally, and the meat just falls right off. Yummmm

Plus 1: Crispy spring rolls: Admirably ballsy trailblazing (and authentically delicious!) filling. I bow to any Asian chef bold enough to feed chives to Western palates. 

Plus 1: 5-spice tofu buns: I am a die-hard fan of pork buns made with braised pork belly. I feared disappointment, but I’m literally eating my words! Firm, perfectly spiced tofu balanced with hoisin sauce and impossibly thin pickles for a crisp hint of tanginess.

Plus 1: Pork Bao: This was a tough one…After Momofuku (my fave NYC restaurant), no pork boa actually tastes good in comparison but to be fair, this was flavorful goodness.

Neutral: Wok-charred Udon Noodles (veggie):  The sauce is good, and the stirfry is as it should be. No complaints but I could have made this myself if I ever dared to use as much oil as they do.

Plus 5: “Ancient Chinese secret” chocolate mousse: Best dessert I’ve had all year. It’s impossibly rich so I recommend splitting. Caution: don’t let the sheer power of the mousse overshadow your appreciation for the meringues sticking in it. The meringues melt in your mouth and simply disappear, leaving the lingering taste of sweet perfection. The sole reason I’ll be returning.

Points Tally:

Myers: -10

Chang: 8

Conclusion: Joanne Chang is clearly standing by her man…even if it means pulling dead weight.

But no worries. I will be back to eat HER food. Please have my chocolate mousse ready.

Say Bonjour to Bistro Petit Robert - Boston

Today's entry was written by my body only using this innovative technology from google. You should try it too...just beware of the awkward staring/silences it creates in public places... That being said, I strongly advise against certain words and phrases, for example, Asian...sinful...MEAT...

                                            

I've eaten at 2 of the 3 locations of this romantic, definitely-not-casual-not-quite-upscale French bistro. Not sure which one I liked better, so make that your excuse to try both. 

2 Places, 2 Decorators: South End has a full front window, which lets in a little more light. Kenmore is garden level, and while I love candlelit dinners, they become a little overrated when you need to squint to read the menu, which, btw, is really hard for me considering I'm already Asian... 

2 Places, 2 graceful, authentic Staffs: The servers speak French. Good French. They say "bonsoir" when you arrive, and the host speaks English with a French accent, which significantly increases any man's jumpability (i.e. appeal).

2 places, 1 great Menu: The bread is fabulously French and the closest I’ve had to French baguette since…well…France. The crust crunches when it gives under your fingers, and the soft, chewy center makes you tug a little when you break it. Don't bother with the butter. The bread is already sinfully perfect - no need to commit an atherosclerotic sin too. 

HUGE portions! I know size isn't everything, but listen up guys, this is how you save money on a date! My advice: get individual appetizers and split an entree. Use the money you saved to get extra wine. You will thank me in the morning. Your date may not.

Appetizer: trio of homemade pates at both places. Split that because you won't want your entree otherwise. Don't eat the chicken liver pate or try to get it substituted. It's too salty and tastes almost fishy and trust me, your curiosity isn't worth 2 bites. 

Entrees: Rack of lamb: The sauce went well with the lamb but was a bit salty and I would have liked a little less of it on the ratatouille. We split the dish but each half was easily a whole meal! The menu is extensive with a wide variety of ingredients. 

Venison: Good, but I'd rather have the duck.

Duck Confit: Yummm...not as flavor-soaked as France, but I'll have it. More than once.

The menu offers everything from coq-au-vin to skirt steak to duck confit, an impressive range for a small bistro.

2 Places, 1 Request: easy on the sauce! Two venison medallions should never require one cup of sauce – there was more sauce than meat on the plate and unless you’re serving me stew on a plate, hold the excess! Rack of lamb, same story - I would like to keep the side of ratatouille, not make it into ratatouille soup. I prefer to taste the meat, not drink the gravy, thanks. To be fair, I’m just not that into heaping amounts of sauce – I’m the girl who uses maybe a tablespoon of ketchup for an entire order of fries. 

2 Places, 1 Conclusion: Go. Eat, drink, be merry. Take the astute banterer to South End and the facially impaired to Kenmore. I went to both places on girl-dates (note: both my dates were beautiful, charming young women), and I assure you, nothing is more romantic than girlfriends you love who love you in return.  

My Baking - Brownies with White Chocolate Chips

In honor of Ms. Kendra's fabulous birthday, voila!

Inedible Estragon - Boston

If you’re on a low salt diet and disappointment turns you on, Estragon is the place for you. One glance at the menu and I was entranced. The ingredients were creative and the ideas behind the food were pretty original so when groupon offered a half-off coupon, I jumped on it. Unfortunately, my dinner of 5 dishes was summarized by the following stats:

No salt: 4/5

Overcooked: 4/5

Stingy portions: 0/5

I could have made it at least equally poorly: 5/5

I’ll go through the things I ordered so that others will be wise and not order them:

Berenjenas: loved the concept of eggplant fries! Sadly, I don’t love anything fried so long it’s turned darker brown than my eyes.

Lamb Sweetbreads: this was the special of the day. It has a hint of that strong taste of lamb I love so much, but it comes lightly breaded, with no salt or spices, tastes awful with the provided lemon wedge, and has a texture resembling chewed gum.

Alcachofas Fritas: the artichoke itself tastes good. They were lightly battered and decently fried. I am a firm believer that alioli tastes great on anything, but I could live without the half-jar of mayo smothering it.

Pulpito a la Parilla: the grilled baby octopus was actually pretty good. Sadly, it tasted a little burnt, which is somewhat understandable because it’s hard to control the flames on a grill. A little salt/spice/flavoring of any kind would have turned this from ok to good.

Torreznos: crispy fried pork belly. Crispy = hard as rocks, fried = consistency of jerky. However, this is the only dish that had any salt in it.

On a positive note, the décor is simple but modern, and the portions are generous for tapas. We ordered 5 dishes to split between 2 girls, and 4 would have been just enough. Also, our server was attentive and pleasant. He was patient when we took a long time deciding what to get, and was quick to offer advice and answer questions. He gets 5 stars for his quiet charm and earned this place one extra star from me.

Adventures at Al Dente - Boston

Would you like to feel like a guest star on Jersey Shore?

Would you like to release your inner bad-ass by asking the hostess to make sure there are no cops walking by and then running down the street holding two full glasses and a half-full bottle of wine?

If you answered yes to the above questions, Al Dente is the place for you! Just make sure to show up very early for your reservation so that the host can send you to the bar of Benevento’s (next door) to wait. The hostess there gives you the most enlightening advice: “If there are no seats, you can stand.” Then, you can order a bottle of wine from the J-Wow look-alike bartender who will uncork the bottle and pour it into what looks like two small beer glasses. Let’s pause to convey some sympathy for my suffocating Chianti…poor wine never got a chance to breathe!

The good news is, after the rather bizarre experience at Benevento, our table at Al Dente was ready so we quickly and discreetly ran over with our bottle of wine and almost full glasses (but we had to pay for the wine there!). This is where the bizarre turns into a lovely dinner.

Our server was the cutest, most pleasant Italian grandma-like lady ever. She immediately transferred our hypoxic (or is it hypoxemic?) wine into proper wine glasses. The gnocchi was perfectly cooked – the tomato sauce was good but nothing special but it’s hard to make gnocchi so well so the sauce hardly mattered. The pesto is for picky eaters who can’t handle real pesto but don’t want to be scorned for requesting alfredo. 3 stars for the food. The thing that earned this place an extra star was the service. Although we lost track of time and stayed at the restaurant way past closing time, our server didn’t bring us the check until we asked. Everyone was wonderfully friendly and pleasant and no one made us feel rushed or like we needed to leave.

Bottom line: Really fun date place, but make sure your date has a working knowledge of Jersey Shore…and open container laws.