Taproom – St. John

As the only brewery on this island, Taproom seems to be St. John’s quiet answer to Northside’s pageantry. Despite its location in Mongoose junction, Taproom offers a reprieve from a complex of tired, tried-and-true tourist-traps offering everything from bikinis to beads and bling. Taproom may be a small, keep-it-simple setting, but unlike Northside’s three little microbrews, this one carries an almost-daunting number of beers on tap, including all the creations of St. John Brewers.

Despite being on the Virgin Islands, Taproom’s 16-ounce mixed drinks are as far from virgin as a drink can be. These generous concoctions are plenty strong so stick to your liquor-then-beer rule because no one can be exempt. I tried almost all the island brews before deciding on the smooth-with-character Liquid Sunshine, but you really can’t go wrong. The Tropical Mango is a fruit falling off a tree…and landing directly into a bottle of IPA. The Island Hoppin’ IPA has a finish that will blow you back to St. Thomas, and the Coffee Stout is a bitter brew of meal-in-a-glass.

The Hummus Plate was heavenly, but the credit for its creation goes to Sam & Jack’s Deli at the marketplace. This mix of ground chickpeas was smooth perfection, and if this hummus is any indication of Sam & Jack’s cooking prowess, I just might cry for missing a chance to dally at their deli.

The Mexican Pizza was as perfectly mediocre as the hummus was perfectly perfect. Between this black-bean-salsa-and-cheddar-cheese pizza and my beer, I got a swig of the southwest and a slice of nachos with a little extra crust.

The Pulled Pork Sandwich is what I expected from bar food but just a little bit better. The pork was tender, and the BBQ sauce was just enough. Being braised in Mango Pale Ale added a little jolt to the tried-and-true and makes this heavy hunk of the south really “stick to yer ribs”. That means it’s filling you damn Yankee.

It’s a pity the hummus doesn’t also come on tap. But even without the hummus, I do declare Taproom to be home of the perfect island pint. And whether you’re too tired to tango with tourists, in need of a siesta-beer after so many souvenirs, or just plain thirsty after a long day of diving, tap your feet up the stairs toward the many taps of Taproom and have fun finding yourself a beer!

Foods of the Islands – St. Thomas, St. John, Jost Van Dyke

After some slightly cynical reviews coupled with a lot of culinary skepticism, I’ve decided to make a counter argument but against myself. Instead of focusing on copious quantities of what these islands lack, let’s switch gears to talk about what they do not lack. Then again, if I actually wrote about what they lacked, you’d never read it. No one has time for a rant that long.

The Chicken: Food walks fearlessly in the midst of those who eat it on these islands, and it’s only on these islands that I’m never afraid to have the chicken. 

Whether it’s Buffalo Wings at any St. Thomas dive, Pineapple Jerk Wings (pictured here) from St. John’s Spyglass, or just plain Fried Chicken Wings from Gertrude's Beach Bar on Jost Van Dyke, the chicken is always fresh and makes for a marvelous meal.

The Hot Sauce:  When the local food selection is more barren than a desert, you need a good sauce to drown it in. While there may not be much variety in the way of food, the variety of locally bottled mouth burners may outnumber the stars in a clear Caribbean sky. Blind Betty is sweet with a small kick, and Miss Anna is sweet as can be before your tastebuds start to convulse.

Calypso is a sweet burn, delightful on chicken and veggies. Uncle Jerome gives a little flavor and enough burn in a drop to make you scream “uncle”. The generic yellow West Indian Hot Sauce found in many a café or bar burns like a whole new hell.

Coconuts: A single large mango will cost you five at the food fair and two barely buys an apple, but four will buy a coconut and three buys the rum for some alcoholic electrolytes. Our Market Smoothies in St. John may look like a run-down shack, but the smoothies are legit, with nothing but real fruit and ice. The coconuts are chilled and cut open in front of your wide tourist eyes, and mine was huge with sweet milk inside. Ask them to cut it open when you’ve sipped your last and use the hard shell to dig out the soft flesh. Afraid that you’ll miss out on the finer St. John sights by spending too much time sipping smoothies in this shack? Not gonna happen. A few minutes of watching their obnoxious video of numerous inebriated guests screaming superficial praises will send you running out the non-existent door in no time.

The Painkiller: This dark rum concoction was invented on Jost Van Dyke, and Soggy Dollar is supposed to make them best. A combination as white as the sandy beach with a topping of nutmeg, this liquid courage will cure anything, from hangover to sunburn to a bad day at the beach. Though let’s face it, no day at the beach is a bad day.

Roti: When I pictured veggie roti, I pictured a pulpy-soft, oversteamed disaster. Not true in a veggie roti, an Indian-bread-married-Caribbean-tofu combination. The Veggie Roti at Gertrude’s was fantastic.

Tofu: Tofu is one of few foods that tastes better processed. Actually, it doesn’t exist unless it’s processed. So no surprise that you can find fabulous Tofu Tacos at places like Taqueria and Spyglass on St. John. But the tofu doesn’t stop there. It permeates the food scene in the form of BBQ to curry to jerk, and also appears in many a vegan lunch.