Malibu Seafood Fresh Fish Market & Patio Cafe UPDATE - Malibu

I love Malibu Seafood and that love has me entirely biased. To be honest, I think my last review was more generous than my usual because of just how fond I am of this unassuming seafood shack. But I was appalled when Thrillist declared Malibu Seafood the #10 best restaurant on PCH. 

For starters, Malibu Seafood is ordinary at best. They feature hit-the-spot items like the Scallop Sandwich, but these items are far from special. The sandwich is stuffed full of golden fried scallops but it could have done without the grocery-store bun and a slice of not-quite-quality cheese.

Did I enjoy every chilled little nubbin in the Scallop Ceviche of the day? Absolutely. Could I have done without all the tomato? Probably but that's just my personal preference. Did I love it enough to declare it a must-try? No way. The truth is, I probably could have made it myself.

Same goes for the Fried Oysters. Their thick, crude breading just asks to be berated, and it's glorified fast food all the way.

Despite this grimly realistic depiction of what Malibu Seafood has to offer, it still gets a fond thumbs up from me, especially if I BYOB. You can't beat the location and you can't beat the view, but if this is #10 on PCH, the location probably doesn't have much else to offer.

Malibu Seafood Fresh Fish Market & Patio Cafe - Malibu

To say that one’s online dating profile can be deceiving is an understatement, and believe me, I would know. So let me spare you some of the smoke by telling you the lessons I’ve learned, and soon you’ll see why Malibu Seafood is the only date I want.

Lesson #1: No one looks like their photo.

Cameras can caress a silhouette, finesse a face, and even make a beer gut disappear. People also have a tendency to think they haven’t aged in the past ten years, so a picture is worth a dozen years. Malibu Seafood, if nothing else, looks like its photo. This modest seafood shack off the permanently-packed PCH may show a little wear-and-tear, but the no-frills plastic-board menu and no-fuss BYOB plastic patio channels a casual charm.

Lesson #2: Everyone exaggerates.

No one needs to about how much back hair you have yet, but how about a fair warning about your tendency to curse like a sailor? But I’m not saying you shouldn’t play up your best features. Cleverly-written profiles make me want to meet you right away, and nothing turns me on like a guy who flashes his Ph.D. The thing is, if the date were an Ahi Tuna Burger, he would have the tendency to think he holds a sashimi-grade patty when what he has really came from a can. The chopped ahi in this burger was a little bit bland.

Lesson #3: Know what your deal-breakers are.

The Grilled Sea Scallops were every bit as amazing as I expected. Fresh, tender scallops, grilled just right with a touch of ginger. The main course is amazing, but don’t forget to pay attention to the sides. No one is perfect, but it’s the little things you have to tolerate. A lackluster personality is the ultimate deal-breaker for me, but it’s up to you to decide whether solid-yet-slightly-boring sides are close enough. The potato salad needs a little salt, and the rice pilaf is forgettable, but I'm okay with it as long as I don't spend the entire date in awkward silence.

When it comes to online dating, I have been unpleasantly surprised time and time again. Apparently even the most insufferable of people can come across as playfully pleasant via text. But not Malibu Seafood. A seafood shack is what you see, and seafood from a shack is exactly what you get. Whether you're looking for a romantic picnic, a casual catch-up with friends, or a serious seafood scarf-down after a canyon hike, Malibu Seafood is a date who’s down for anything.