Papacho's - Cusco

Q: How do you spell tourist-trap in Inca? 

A: P-a-p-a-c-h-o-apostrophe-S. 

Their slogan is "where anything can be transformed into a hamburger", and that should have been our first clue. Our second clue was the burger-covered menu. Burgers with meat, burgers without meat, burgers with every kind of vegetable, every kind of fruit, and every combination of the above.

The one thing that WAS authentic about Papacho's was their portions. Served true-to-Peru, the Chanchito was a crispy, skin-and-fat side of half a hog. Savory met sweet with a chunky, smoothie-style mango chutney, and the side of yucca is surprisingly well-seasoned. I have no complaints about the Chanchito, but a burger might have been more memorable.

All that salty pork was making me thirsty, and there was my excuse to try La Tierna. Strawberry and passionfruit were an infallible combination, but this too-sugary smoothie made me feel like I was ordering off the kids' menu from my booster seat.

When in Peru...I’m still sucker for wings. The Charapitas were "bathed in the Amazon's most sinful flavors," and I was just drowning in the indescribable, never-

had-anything-like-it, sweet n' spicy flavor-craze.

I fully expected to hate Papacho's because I just can’t be a foreign-hamburger fan, but they still had me impressed. Their burgers do play it safe for the tourists, but their flavors are fresh, their combinations are new, and there's no doubt they can deliver a damn good plate of food.

Aguaymanto - Cusco

I love llamas but it turns out they kind of suck. First of all, they are lazy. A horse will bear whatever load you place upon it, risking its own injury just to trudge it up whatever hill lies ahead. A llama loaded with a single ounce over 15-20 kilos refuses to move. But the Incas appreciated this quality and called the llama sacred so apparently laziness is a virtue for a people who cut perfect stones and hauled them out of a quarry and up a mountain. 

Even alpacas are better than llamas in almost every way. Their fur is softer, they’re smaller and cuter, and the meat is tender and cholesterol-free .The Alpaca Saltada is so tender that a butterknife slides right through, and the rest of this traditional Peruvian stir-fry has perfectly-cooked fresh veggies that would make any Asian auntie proud.

South America meets North America in the form of an Alpaca Burger. The patty is lighter but a tiny bit gamier than beef and makes a party in the mouth with a stringy cheese that gets better with every bite. The sesame bun has brioche-y flair, and as much as I objected to getting a burger in Peru, this one packs pizzazz.

All that alpaca packs quite a bit of salt, and those potatoes just dry you out. There’s no better way to rehydrate than a Mango Juice that tastes like a smoothie. Aguaymanto takes pride in their juice blends, and they put Jamba Juice to shame.

Aguaymanto is a pretty name, borrowed from the Inca Cherry, which has the texture and taste of a smooth white cherry crossed with a cherry tomato. The ones we sampled were organic, like over 75% of Aguaymanto's menu, and I wouldn’t mind sampling more.