BFF Trip 2018 - London, UK - Day 3

The British Museum. It's like the home of a wealthy, discerning, immortal hoarder, a treasure-trove of some of the most amazing, most monumental pieces of history, a collection that has long outgrown its home. 

Pieces like the Rosetta Stone get their own display case and sit center-stage as they should. 

The Assyrian Lion Hunts get their set of rooms, and the carvings are impressively complete.

The bust of Ramses commands attention, much like he did in life. '

And the mummies exhibit is impressive.

Greek philosopher heads are fun...

And how about this replica of the Parthenon Acropolis?

The Elgin Marbles are blowing my mind. I never thought I'd see so much.

The range of the collection is unbelievable. From ancient Egypt to Greece to Central America...I just wish they had better curators. Some things are just put in random places or in settings that dampen their appeal. Take this turquoise serpent, for example. Its size is colossal, and it is magnificent. Naturally, they stuck it in this dark case where you can barely see the color. 

Other fun finds: The Lewis Chessmen make want to lose at chess again, and the Sutton Hoo helmet if proof that vikings don't wear horns. But I kind of wish they did...

This treasure is incredible, I HATE PEOPLE. Disrespectful morons are everywhere, and it seems they congregate within these walls. Crawling over the pillars, touching exhibits that the government lacks the budget to encase. Seriously, there was a woman stroking a sarcophagus and encouraging her young children to do the same. It's clear they don't have enough money for adequate security, and as a result, many of their priceless artifacts won't be around for long. I love that the museum is free, but they need to start charging so that people will stop destroying everything that matters. 

Okay, rant over, time to manage the blood sugar with fresh lemonade and a Beef Pasty. I love meat pies, and this one is heavy, like a less-liquid stew in a multi-layered crust. I even ate the peas.

The theater. WOW. I can't believe I'm sitting here, in these shockingly affordable box seats, looking down on an exact replica of THE Globe. It's a beautiful theatre. Sun streams through the open air onto the eager groundlings. The box seats are shaded, and we're in the absolute last row so we don't need to rent a seat-back. I've never seen or read Othello, but I know when the casting is right on. Iago is an awkward portrayal, and he behaves more like a sputtering senile than a ruthless villain, but Othello himself is an incredible actor, and Emilia speaks the Shakespearean English of angels. 

Othello is a rich experience, but it is a heavy one. We jet off to get a glimpse at Platform 9 3/4 and take a stealth selfie rather than stand in line.

From King's Cross, the British Library lies only a few minutes away. The building is functional-appearing, no great medieval architecture, and not my favorite kind of art, but it houses some literary treasures. 

The King George Library is a time-defying collection, and all three stories are just breathtaking. It's even harder to breathe in the presence of the original Magna Carta and a Gutenberg Bible. And as a Henry VIII nerd, there's even a joust list where he appeared as Sir Loyal Heart. 

It's been a long freaking day. Time forget it all and go on to St. John's for a Bourdain bucket-list dinner!

Fortnum & Mason: Diamond Jubilee Tea Salon - London, UK

I ate a 24-ounce steak at Mastro’s with a dessert and two sides and didn’t bat an eye. I conquered a 29-course tasting in Peru with barely a burp, and just last week, I ate ice cream before dinner and followed with three desserts.

I am gross. I have been gross all over the world, a record of shameless acts of gluttony, a smear of pins all over the map. But this isn’t just any old place, this is London. We keep it classy here.

And what could possibly be classier than afternoon tea at Fortnum and Mason? An elegant department store with a Jubilee salon on the top floor, decked in a shade of porcelain blue that makes Tiffany’s jealous...the afternoon tea is AYCE.

Challenge. Accepted. 

They have a few choices, and we split the regular Afternoon Tea and the Savory. The bottoms tiers hold the same slivers of sandwiches, and the other two switch it up. 

The lightest tea is a strategic starting point, a way to prevent early satiety. The rare tea list is seductive, and a Silver Needle Pekoe beckons, promising wonders of the Orient. The menu describes it as light and sweet, and it does have a warm comfort of barely-there baby buds - I’m told it only uses the unopened ones on the Da Bai Hao bush. 

Savory before sweet, the sandwiches first. The Coronation Chicken is my favorite, a curried salad with delicate sweet notes, the richest of the bunch. The Egg Salad is the most memorable - a rare breed of hen results in a creamier, less-sulfured egg that makes the mayo dance. Cucumber is breezy in a breathy cream cheese with mint, Ham hangs with a lighter mustard, and Smoked Salmon carries more meat and less smoke in soft, blanketing folds.

A wispy tea with finger sandwiches seems so light, but bread blows up when you add water. The fullness is already sneaking up on me as we approach the middle tier of scones. The Bacon Scone is savory, dotted with pebbles of porky fat. The Tomato Scone wears a crispy top hat of crispy cheese, a refined Ritz-cracker crunch. Both come with complementary spreads, heavy hybrids of butter and cream cheese.

The savory scones are great, but the sweet simplicity of a plain flour-butter is not to be ignored. It is dense flour through a through, something to think about when trying to pace yourself. The other scone holds the last blueberries of summer, and they taste like morning dew. The scones are the best I’ve had, but the spreads are the highlight. Clotted cream lays like a scarf of silk, enfolding a sugar-tart lemon curd or the best strawberry jam on earth. This may be the first strawberry jam I’ve ever enjoyed. 

My tea runs out, but I can barely handle another. The Yellow Buds is a compromise, a mellow from Mannong, with a clearer, more confident notes of fruit than the white.

A new tea, a refreshing transition to the top tiers; both equally rich, and both equally too much. A thick pinwheel of smoked salmon unravels a circle of cream cheese, locked-and-loaded on a gorgeous shell of macaron. The Crab Salad is a cleverly cocoon inside a hollowed eggshell. It’s heavy on the mayo, heavy on the crab, and heavy on the delicious. There is a dome of Foie Gras as well, concealed and consoled beneath a layer of rhubarb jelly. The Green Cashew Cheesecake is a strange surprise, bright and creamy with not even a hint of sugar. The final nail in the coffin is the Wild Mushroom Puff with Truffle, a cream puff encasing a thumbnail of try-the-grey-stuff-it’s-delicious.

This is where our adventure ends. Unspeakable acts of gluttony and greed were planned, but I stand defeated by a triple tier.

They graciously box up the rest for a sweet snack later on. There is a moist and buttery pound cake, an airy strawberry mousse, a well-balanced cheesecake, a passion cake with passion, and a creamy something with a rose petal on top. 

You get a slice of carriage cake at the end, a marble throne on wheels, bearing bigger delights. The Victoria Sponge is cream and air, a sweetened simplicity.

The Battenberg Cake is irresistible in its geometry, bright squares buried in an almost-fondant of marzipan. 

Fail. Epic. Fail. When in London...we FAIL. I had planned for at least another scone, but I couldn’t even clear the first. A souvenir jar of lemon curd is a poor consolation for the clotted cream I will never experience at home, and I leave defeated by nothing more than high tea at Fortnum and Mason. As for the tea, what beauty, what luxury, what sophistication! I would return to London just to relive the Jubilee...though I’d fast for at three days beforehand.

BFF Trip 2018 - London, UK - Day 2

It's a full day today, and it's packed.

Our plans are ambitious, and they start at St. Paul's Cathedral. St. Paul's is actually a last-minute addition to our itinerary, strongly recommended by Maylea, and she never steers us wrong. 

There's a reason the newest royals chose St. Paul's over Westminster Abbey. It's smaller, and its intimacy gives way to a contemplative quiet, probably your only moments of peace as you start your highly publicized life together. The ceiling is breathtaking, stunning beauty that makes you pause and gasp as you gape. 

There's a long, narrow, and harrowing climb to the top, but the view is unlike any other, and my quads and glutes are screaming #worthit.

There's a late-morning afternoon tea to break up the churches and then it's onward to Westminster Abbey in the hazy afternoon fog as jet lag takes its toll. 

No photos allowed inside, but the outside is absolutely adequate and makes for fantastic selfies. 

You can get Parliament in the background too if you angle it just right...

We conclude our day at the Churchill War Rooms. Educational. Important. And NOT the place you go after seeing the splendor of two of the world's most beautiful churches. 

The meeting room, the phone room.

An informative Churchill museum displaying everything from inspiration quotes to pocket watches.

Then there is the Map Room, a now-silent witness to so many pivotal points in the history of a world war rife with controversy. To think it all happened here! 

Anglo - London, UK

I never expected my first meal in London to be good. I was only going for edible, but I hadn’t counted on being shown around by a local. Maylea is an overachieving host, creating an accommodation so comfortable, I’d just as soon call it home. 

When not giving us access to every possible amenity, she also has local wisdom to share. Her wisest choice so far is Anglo, a subtle slipaway I never would have noticed. I’m told they recently opened, and they carry a creative, reasonably-priced tasting menu that holds some promise. I know Anglo is my angle as soon as I can see inside. The space is small, a handful of tables, an inescapably intimate ambiance and a single server with a lifetime of knowledge behind a youthful veneer.

The appetizers come in rapid succession; a sunburst of bright shreds of Crab under a frozen ice cap with a dashing prick of red pepper powder, 

a Beef Heart Kebab that tastes like a taco full of gentle, peppery jerky, 

and a creamy purée of Salt Cod that seeps into a crisp nori chip.

After the appetizers, there is a board of house-made sourdough bread. They let the yeast work it’s magic a lot longer than most so the extra sour gives the bread some earthier notes for a flavor-dense impact. They also add yeast to the butter to make it pop, and it draws out the creamy texture of the butter and the warm flavors of the bread. Grape seed oil is a lighter, less oily alternative to olive, and it possesses an extra tang that makes the sourdough bounce around your tastebuds.

The English Pea is the most surprising and easily the best dish. Rising out of a misty foam, they are a gentle guerrilla attack on the senses. The peas are sweet and fresh; in a way I’ve never tasted, a vegetable that opens a whole new world. There’s spring in their step as they coalesce with a black garlic murk and an earthy, wheaty whey that, in just the right ratio with peas and foam, barely hints at the bubbles of beer. 

Hampshire Trout sits smoky, firmly seared on the outside, soft as satin within. It finishes like smoked salmon before the smoking sets in. The tomatoes and summer squash are divinely roasted, but that bright, green courgette purée rises from below to steal the show.

The Goosnargh Duck Breast is a fowl steak, a primal blood-red beneath a brown, crispy skin. A chip conceals a smooth pate dip, and the plum adds a shocking tang to everything it touches. 

Caramelized onions have a barely-detectable sooty finish on the Cheese and Onion on Malt Loaf, and the mild-to-medium-sharp cheddar shaving make it snowball into a mix of vegetable carbs and cream.

Frozen Apricot emerges quivering with petit leaves of basil, and a crisp burnt-sugar shell finishes like caramel.

The Summer Berries are served with buttery shortbread, but it’s the foamy scoop of buttermilk that brings it all together. 

The bonus Blueberry Financier is still warm in my fingers. The shell is lightly crisp, and the inside is structured like a buttery Madeleine. 

I’ve been angling for Anglo ever since I tried the peas. Their menu is deceptively simple, a reasonably-priced and palatable progression that hits the high notes in a quiet, more subtle manner. There is no lack of genius nor ingenuity in this kitchen, and I would love to see more of this perspective. 

BFF Trip 2018 - London, UK - Day 1

My BFF, without a doubt. She stood by my side when I got married, she is the only reason I found someone I actually wanted to marry, and our bond is one forged by hardship, a friendship of steel and iron and all things unbreakable. There is nothing like the bond of those who have fought, knelt, and cowered in the trenches of residency side by side.. 

But we've never traveled together, and nothing tests the strength of a bond like 16 consecutive days of trekking through parts unknown and parts unfamiliar. 

It turns out we have nothing to worry about. Few travel buddies are more compatible, as we both travel at the same harried pace, driven by a FOMO beyond imagine and completest tendencies beyond compare. With our powers combined, our energy only amplifies and our need for sleep is diminished.

A 2 PM arrival means we can hit the ground running. Most major monuments and museums close around 5 PM so we have just enough time to see one big thing. The bags hit the floor, the leggings and sneakers are swapped out for jeans and loafers, and we immediately take off for Buckingham Palace. 

No photos allowed inside, and we forget to take them outside as well. Rookie mistake - we'll blame it on the jet lag. We did find a moment of pause in front of a Duke of Wellington memorial, though. 

Following with a leisurely...multi-mile stroll through Hyde Park, we view a new and temporary art installation in a terrible waning light. Pictured above: photo that does no justice to the cheerful colors and interesting barrel-stack texture. 

Here it is as the backdrop of the Princess Diana Memorial, a circular fountain of continuous flow, as lasting as her legacy.

Day 1 is more like a day 0.25, and it's done as quickly as it started. I already love this city full of history, classics, and class. It's a long day of flying and a long night of exploration, but it's a day well-spent, and I'm already anticipating the one that follows.