Shark Cage Diving - Marine Dynamics, Gansbaai, South Africa

I am open-minded. Adventurous. Courageous, brave, definitely grew a pair. Those are euphemisms. The truth is, I'm EXTRA. I can't just go on a safari in South Africa. I can't just scale Table Mountain or just hike Lion's Head and get my fill like a normal person, I have to get into a cage for a close-up with great white sharks. 

It's hard to time the photos, and ours leave a lot to be desired. Believe me, this is something you MUST experience firsthand.

If one wants to get uncomfortably close to great white sharks, though no normal person seems to understand why one would ever want to get close to great white sharks, Marine Dynamics has your guys.

There is nothing like the thrill of seeing these giants up close. They are a sinister shadow in the deep, and they are impossible to see until they're too close for comfort. Those teeth are sharp, and even from the safety of the boat, the frontal view of an open mouth biting the bait ball gets adrenaline coursing through the veins.

The crew is almost as impressive as the sharks. They. Know. Everything. One look at an ominous surfacing shark fin, and they can name that shark. Not a single question they can't answer, and they are upbeat but professional. They even provide breakfast and some nicer snacks during the excursion - the veggie eggrolls are fun addition to chips and hot tea and chocolate.The vegetable soup at the end is a great way to wrap up the day, and the vegan nature of the soup is considerate. 

I haven't done any shark diving before so I can't really compare the companies, but Marine Dynamics has a legitimate and legitimately great thing going. They don't make the sharks attack the cage as they don't want to injure the sharks, and they've won awards in for their conservation efforts. Plus they kept me from being eaten by sharks so they're superstars in my book!

The Thirsty Oyster, Gordon's Bay, South Africa - Day 13

Leaving Chamonix is bittersweet like I've never known. But after almost a week in food-and-booze tourist-heaven, I'm eager for a change of pace.

Gordon's Bay is a short sidetrack on our way back to Cape Town. A gorgeous harbor town along the Western Cape, Gordon's Bay promises a different kind of adventure, and most importantly, Gordon's Bay has Justin's high school buddy Harry.

Harry greets us at his spacious home, and he has us sitting seaside at the Thirsty Oyster, lunching with the locals while he and Justin reminisce about their crazy adolescent times. Apparently I was reallyREALLY boring as a teen - my affinity for street racers will never in any way equal their antics, but at least I have his girlfriend Kerryn for compan - she is the sweetest and possibly the easiest-to-get-along-with person I've ever met. Plus she works at the Thirsty Oyster so we get all sorts of great service and smiles.

The second floor patio of the Thirsty Oyster overlooks a beautiful pier, docked with dinghies and sailboats as guys grill fresh seafood outside. A bottle of Buitenverwachtnig Buiten Blanc washes down smooth and light-white, and soon I'm the most relaxed I've been all year.

Starting with West Coast Oysters. Freshly shucked, more butter than brine, a smooth and approachable finish. Perfect with a squeeze of lemon, and add a drop of hot sauce if you're brave.

This will be the 40th time we have underestimated South African portion size, and this Pan o' Prawns makes American portions look measly. There are so many juicy, jumbo, butterflied shrimp in this stainless steel skillet, and every single one of those shrimp tastes as succulent and well-spiced as the one before it. Garlic butter and lemon butter are popular toppings, and peri-peri sauce is a zesty mix.  

I got the flame-grilled Tuna before I knew how much shrimp we were getting. The tuna is seasonal, and 'tis the season for this fresh, meaty brick of red.

Lunching with the locals is probably one of the coolest things we've done in South Africa. There is an irresistible charm to truly relaxing by the bay with friends both old and new, and our visits to Gordon's Bay are among my favorite excursions of this trip.

Still to come: dinner at the long-anticipated Test Kitchen. That review will have to wait. In order to end this trip on a high note, I'll save the other best for last.

SoYogi Frozen Yoghurt - Franschhoek, South Africa

Sounded like a great idea at the time. A less sweet, healthier dessert...

Got two flavors swirled together, and I can't even remember what they were because they were that memorable. The froyo needs to be more frozen - there's already a puddle forming while it's being weighed. Got lots of toppings: I know it's weird, but I'm a sucker of gummy bears. This is sad. All the gummies are stale, rock-hard from being left out for so long, and the cold froyo only makes it worse. Going to the grocery store for ice cream next time I get a craving. 

Col'cacchio - Franschhoek, South Africa

Last night in Franschhoek, and the theme is no more meat. Meat is murder, and sadly, I've discovered that I do actually have a physical limit on how much meat I can consume.

Pizza is the answer, and Col'cacchio's Green Genie is our pie. A crispy thin crust is a planter of all things green. The avocado is creamy, beets are firmly sweet, and butternut is softer. Arugula finishes with a bitter tinge of spice, uplifting against a down-to-earth mix of so many seeds. Balsamic glaze brings it all together for a pizza that has a lot going on and has a lot going for it.

We split a full salad because we are cows...and we're eating like them too. The Giardino is a full garden in a bowl, with lettuce and spinach as the greens and cute little zucchetti and dramatic broccoli florets for extra effect. There's a soft-boiled egg on top for protein, and though there is more yuzu dressing than I prefer, it's so light with all that sunny citrus that it's easy to keep on eating.

A much-needed selection of lighter fare for us, but the menu promises diversity, with pages upon pages of meat and what meat eats. Nice for a casual meal, a fulfilling fill for your pizza craving.

Spice Route - Paarl, South Africa - Day 12

We are wined out and dined out by the time we hit Paarl. We keep it simple and stay at Spice Route, an estate that houses just a little bit of everything. 

For a breakfast break from all that wine, Wilderer Distillery offers some alternative flights. 

First, there is a flight of grappa, the vintner's leftovers, a distillation of grape skins and pulp. The Shiraz is deep and assertive, the Muscato is nurturing and sweet, and the Pinotage is exceptional, like a lighter port with a sprinkling of sugar or a denser ice wine that shows some restraint.

For a flight of the harder stuff, there is a gin infused with Cape Fynbos Healing Herbs that assaults with pungent notes of licorice-like herbs, the very vision of an Asian apothecary. The Fynbos Gin is drier than dry, stronger than strong, yet it finishes with a blissful, bitter burn. Bierschnaps is indescribable. A not-so-carbonated hoppy but not-so-IPA, kind-of-gin notes but not so bitter...it is different, the good kind of different, but it's hard to outshine that gin. 

Liquor then beer? Nope. Skipping the microbrewery (regrettably) in favor of the master meat tasting. There is standard salami, hard and airy pork rinds, and a spicy chorizo that sings with sherry and singes with garlic. They turn the less popular neck cut of coppa into something exceptional here, and the stripes of fat are delightful. The proscuitto is even more fatty and firm, and it's among the better ones I've had. Meats by Richard Bosman...Do not skip.

Meat-snack then dessert. De Villiers Chocolate, a full-circle tasting of almost every awesome chocolate bar they make. The chocolate and confectionery tasting is a journey through dark, cocao-packed bars, aromatic infusions like Orange Peel & Vanilla and saucy Cinnamon & Chili, sweet milk chocolate mixed with salted caramel, and curiosities like chip-like snacking thins and an airy orange-cranberry nougat.

It's quite the journey at Spice Route, and there's much to amuse. It's not all food and booze, mind you, there's also a gorgeous gallery of artisan glass and a couple of shops for higher-end souvenirs. It's easy to stay day - you can devour and imbibe to your heart's content, and you can even take a pilates class to burn off the Bosman. I would have like to see more of Paarl and what lies beyond the Spice Route complex, but for a fun-filled, less exertional day, Spice Route is where it's at.

Reuben's Restaurant & Bar - Franschhoek, South Africa

In Franschhoek, the name on everybody's lips is Reuben's:

Q: Where should we eat?

A: Reuben's. 

Q: Best restaurant in town?

A: Reuben's.

Q: YOUR favorite restaurant?
A: Reuben's.

Either Reuben's is sleeping with everyone in town or it really is the best.

It's the best restaurant in town. Immediately, from the very first sip of the Hot and Sour Prawn and Tomato Soup, I can see and taste the real deal. The sour sets my mouth on fire, and the hot is a glorious burn. There's a real passion in this soup, from the slurpable al dente udon to the succulent shrimp, and the tomato tang just amplifies the explosion.

For those who are weak, there is a side dish of coconut sorbet, an icy salve to soothe the sting.

The Poke Bowl is lighter starter, a fresh feast of cured Franschhoek salmon trout, sweet like teriyaki with a fresh breath of wasabi. They fry the ball of sesame-coated sushi rice, and it really pops against fish roe and all sorts of pickles.

Full disclosure: we ordered the Josper Roasted Cod for the asparagus, and it turned out to be so much more than just a veggie fix. The tender cod is fresh like I've never seen, and the skin is a delicate crisp. This dish is a showcase of both creativity and skill; the cod could stand alone, but add a velvety champagne basil cream draping over sweet pea puree, soft mussels, and spongy gnocchi, and there is not a single spot on this plate you won't be licking clean.

Surf n' turf with the entrees; the Asian Braised Beef Cheek and Oxtail is the land to the roasted-cod sea. The cheek is marbled with fat, and the tail is so rich it's falls off the bone in gooey ribbons of gristle. The cauliflower creme enriches and lightens the fondant potatoes all at once, a silky bed for a hoisin-sauce sensation.

In Franschoek, you don't look for good food. This proud small town self-identifies as a food hub, and they have the cred to back up their claim. It's not so much about looking for good food; it's about looking for different food after a few days of FrenchFrenchFrench. Reuben's manages to be both. The dishes are exquisitely made, and the Asian fusion adds an element of spontaneity, an unexpected extra to the tried-and-true. Each dish holds a spark of imagination, a hint of ingenuity, and fusion of originality that we didn't find anywhere else. Almost every restaurant is good in Franschhoek, but Reuben's really is better. 

The Werf Restaurant - Franschhoek, South Africa

Determined to hit up yet another vineyard, we cruise into Boschendal on our way back to Franschhoek, seeking lunch and another flight of wine.

The Werf has a gorgeous view from the windows, and even the dreary rain doesn't make the gardens of Boschendal look any less like a fairy tale.

The menu is promising, a plethora of small plates, promising creativity and with descriptions that sound like tempting tapas.

A complementary starting gift from the chef is an earthy mix of refreshing veggies in endive and sour cream. The sun-dried tomatoes still hold plenty of tangy juice, rounded out by ground seeds and nuts, and the whole combination reminds me of fresh earth after the rain.

The Ribeye is cooked quite nicely, a pretty medium rare. Dauphine is a fancy term for fried potato rounds, a thinner, Frenchier version of hash browns. These are fried golden brown and crunch with a satisfying chomp. Clouds of horseradish break up the heavy meat n' potatoes, and this may be the only truly edible dish we order.

We intend for the Pumpkin Seed Dumplings to break up all the meat, but that doesn't happen. The wrapper is as thick as a Triscuit, and each bite is flour mush, like it hasn't been quite cooked all the way through. The filling is a dry, diced mixture of seeds with no filler to either hold it together or to at least disguise the resemblance to birdseed. They drown these birdfeeders in half a centimeter of oil (that yellow liquid is just olive oil, NOT soup), and despite the perfectly tender texture of the oyster mushrooms, the salt forces you to wash each bite down with an entire glass of water. 

The theme here is OVERKILL. Even the Roasted Carrots, which are supposed to be a vegetable on the side, possess a cloying quality so intense you're done after a single carrot. They are sticky, like a saturated dishcloth with a quantity of cumin that proves to be suffocating. There is no detectable citrus, and the honeycomb compounds the problem. 

The "new season" Figs are more like dry season figs. They are flavorless and leathery, and the pecan pralines are the only source of sweetness. The fig leaf ice cream, however, is interesting and fun, just like their namesake foliage.

The effort is clear, the concepts are fair, but the execution is utterly unfortunate. All the ideas work on paper, but they definitely don't work together. Boschendal is beautiful, and they have some promising wines, but boy, does The Werf need a little work.