I am so many things, but a performer is not one of those
things. I duck out of photos, I climb out of camera range, and I prefer that
people watch me with their eyes closed. So when I decided I would perform in my
gym's aerial show, I thought it would be a stepping stone along the road of
personal growth, one more step in overcoming my crippling fear of being seen.
Now that the inevitable show, with its set performance order and
already-printed, too-late-to-back-out-now programs, is only a week away, I've
realized that this decision was just as unfortunate as every decision I made at
Brick + Mortar; A great decision…in theory.
Since it's my first show, I'm hoping to that people's
expectations will be playing limbo - the lower the bar, the better. I didn't
expect much when I ordered the House
Mixed Greens either. I just wanted a standard salad. Thus the crisp bowl of
romaine with fresh tomato, cucumber, and feta hit the spot with a lick of lemon
dressing. I was plenty happy with what I got. If only I could find a way to set
up my audience...
When you perform, you play it safe. My strength is in my
back, and I can turn myself into an aesthetically-appealing human wheel.
Considering how little time I spend in the sun, I probably bear an uncanny
resemblance to the Baked Brie. But it’s
pretty hard to mess up baked brie. And with a song as sweet as truffled honey, all
those back bends are the tasty balsamic onions to my brie.
But no matter how many great ingredients I have to work
with, I can only hope that my routine will be better-executed than the Braised Short Rib. I have great choreography,
but even with prime ingredients, any recipe can quickly become forgettable.
This short rib is clearly a prime cut, but there’s very little flavor to it and
lack of tenderness in this dish. One slip and my Monty will be as sloppy as
this bed of fresh corn polenta, a hot corny mess that tastes like it's missing
the corn. Forget to point my toes and my unsightly flexed feet will overpower
like the ginger chili on the sauteed kale. Let’s just say the flavors of this
dish were as forgettable as the quality of this photo is poor.
Even if I can't do a clean routine, I can at least hope
for a few good photos. We'll have a professional photographer at the show, and
the lighting will be a lot better than this dimly (but appropriately) lit
sports bar. I just hope I can give him a little more to work with than Brick +
Mortar did.
