Balking at Brick+Mortar - Santa Monica

I am so many things, but a performer is not one of those things. I duck out of photos, I climb out of camera range, and I prefer that people watch me with their eyes closed. So when I decided I would perform in my gym's aerial show, I thought it would be a stepping stone along the road of personal growth, one more step in overcoming my crippling fear of being seen. Now that the inevitable show, with its set performance order and already-printed, too-late-to-back-out-now programs, is only a week away, I've realized that this decision was just as unfortunate as every decision I made at Brick + Mortar; A great decision…in theory. 

Since it's my first show, I'm hoping to that people's expectations will be playing limbo - the lower the bar, the better. I didn't expect much when I ordered the House Mixed Greens either. I just wanted a standard salad. Thus the crisp bowl of romaine with fresh tomato, cucumber, and feta hit the spot with a lick of lemon dressing. I was plenty happy with what I got. If only I could find a way to set up my audience...

When you perform, you play it safe. My strength is in my back, and I can turn myself into an aesthetically-appealing human wheel. Considering how little time I spend in the sun, I probably bear an uncanny resemblance to the Baked Brie. But it’s pretty hard to mess up baked brie. And with a song as sweet as truffled honey, all those back bends are the tasty balsamic onions to my brie.

But no matter how many great ingredients I have to work with, I can only hope that my routine will be better-executed than the Braised Short Rib. I have great choreography, but even with prime ingredients, any recipe can quickly become forgettable. This short rib is clearly a prime cut, but there’s very little flavor to it and lack of tenderness in this dish. One slip and my Monty will be as sloppy as this bed of fresh corn polenta, a hot corny mess that tastes like it's missing the corn. Forget to point my toes and my unsightly flexed feet will overpower like the ginger chili on the sauteed kale. Let’s just say the flavors of this dish were as forgettable as the quality of this photo is poor.

Even if I can't do a clean routine, I can at least hope for a few good photos. We'll have a professional photographer at the show, and the lighting will be a lot better than this dimly (but appropriately) lit sports bar. I just hope I can give him a little more to work with than Brick + Mortar did.