Gion Hatanaka - Kyoto, Japan

Kaiseki is quite the cuisine. A clever combination of veggies, meat, and fish; an aesthetic marvel; and unbelievably complicated.

My research yielded a Japanese Food Philosophy that is clearly not for amateurs. The idea of trying to include 5 colors, 5 tastes, 5 cooking methods, and 5 senses in every meal hurts my brain.

In every meal, the chef to incorporate the following:

Go shiki (5 colors) - red, yellow, green, black, white

Go mi (5 tastes) - salty, sour, sweet, bitter, spicy

Go ho (5 cooking methods) - simmering, boiling, steaming, frying, sauteeing, pickling, etc

Go kan (5 senses) - taste, sight, sound, smell, texture

At Gion Hatanaka, all these things could probably be found in just the two-tiered box of appetizers.

First, the smaller tier, a soothing starter of Snapper Sushi and Salmon Sushi. The sushi is Kyoto style, fish pressed atop a roll of vinegar rice. A tiny Tomato Compote is sugar-sweetened and ripe, and cleanses the palate for the larger tier.

There's a combination of savory, salty, meaty, and sweet all in one little box. Rolled Egg is fluffy and light, Boiled Prawn is sweet simplicity - just don't neglect the head. A thin green Seaweed houses tiny grains of herring roe, almost as cute as the squishy balls of Fried Taro. A tiny porcelain caddy hides a Boiled Lotus Stalk with Sesame, which finishes light and a tiny bit bitter. A chunk of Grilled Eel is unexpectedly savory-sauced, and a tentacle of Boiled Octopus is tender and fragrant. Grilled Duck is a gamey, meaty contrast to all the seafood and plants, like a sandwich next to the savory Grilled Gluten Cake. For a direct comparison, the stretchy Gluten Cake in Bamboo Leaf is just perfect. It is the most memorable bland thing I've ever tried.

The next course features expertly-filleted Hamo Pike Conger and a tube of fresh Tuna in tofu skin, made for dipping with wasabi and ponzu.

Sea Eel glides on a bed of eggplant. The so-called "starchy sauce" coats it like a soft glove, a flavor like an eel sauce lite.

The Tempura is impossibly crisp and light as usual, a sampling of shrimp, fish, shiitake, and green pepper.

A light Soup makes the remainder of the meal just a little less overwhelming, an easy slurp with viscous sesame tofu and a hint of fish. The water shield is a new vegetable for me, neutral with the texture of fuzzy pulp. The side of pickles goes with the steamed rice.

Even the Steamed Rice is exceptional, cohesive grains interspersed with slivers of red snapper and a hint of ginger.

Dessert is minimalist, melty Melon in a cold, scintillate syrup.

The kaiseki meal is a classic, the glamour of old Japan in edible form. A feast of the palate is accompanied by a feast for the eyes - dinner with a singing geiko and a dancing maiko, all an unforgettable presentation by Gion Hatanaka.

Issen Yokocho - Kyoto, Japan

It's a well-known fact that alcohol dulls the taste buds. When I don't abstain, I'll have one drink max with sushi, and I'll have two once in a while if the steak is really good. I find that avoidance is often wise, unless I'm going to Issen Yokocho. I'll probably have to have ten before Issen Yokocho.

You don't walk into Issen Yokocho for the Okonomiyaki, you stumble or you crawl. Their hot-mess preparation of green onion, egg, dried shrimp, grilled fish paste, flour, dried bonito, beef, ginger, tempura batter, konjak jelly, dried seaweed, and Japanese sauce is as much of an unappetizing hot mess as it sound. This mish-mash hodge-posh of stuff scattered carelessly on a grill is made for the post-pub stagger-ers who don't know or care what they put into their mouths. The final product is an all-out assault, non-cohesive ingredients in hastily thrown-together proportions, meant to be washed down immediately with a very large beer. 

The Matcha Ice Cream was an afterthought, a last-ditch attempt to remove all memory of Okonomiyaki from my mouth. It was a small band-aid on a gaping wound, a scar I won't soon forget.

An afterthought-footnote on their menu concedes, "If you need to get rid of these items, please tell us." Yes. I need to get rid of all these items.

Izuu - Kyoto, Japan

Scouring the streets of Gion is no easy task, but someone said sushi and I came running. Search for Izuu, part 2.

Found Izuu, made finding Nemo look easy. Fortunately, the menu is a no-brainer.

But first, another barrier. The roll is wrapped in kelp, which must be removed before eating the fish beneath. Good thing the staff speak some English or I'd still be choking down seaweed.

Intro to Kyoto-style sushi starts here. Box-pressed rice ball topped with slabs of silvery, vinegar-marinated mackerel, basically a sliced rice ball with fish.

The mackerel is actually really good. More is more with vinegar as sour rice highlights sour-er mackerel. Sea Bream is softer and far more subtle, lending just a little fishy fun.

I still don't love mackerel but I remain determined to try. Still preferring other types of fish but definitely more amenable to mackerel now.

Oku - Kyoto, Japan

Stuffed from the stalls of Nishiki, still determined to hunt Oku down. With an enthusiasm rivaling my approach to Yasuda-san, I wade through the uniform back-streets of tourist-town Kyoto, looking for the one doorway with a telltale plaque.

I have neither the time nor means for Miyamasou's Michelin-approved chef, Hisato Nakahigashi, but I will make the time to test-drive both his dishes and his plates.

The day is hot and the sun is strong. Escaping the heat is an accomplishment in itself, nevermind successfully hunting down a cafe using a constantly-scrambled GPS.

My reward is the Koto Sake; dry, crisp, and refreshing. #daydrinking, #dontjudge

Kaiseki focuses on small plates with impressive presentation, and this lunch set is almost as pretty as the dishes that serve it.

The Braised Bonito Tataki is a breath of fresh char around the edges, bold and tender in the middle, and a dash of ponzu makes the flavors pop. Yomogi Tofu is a cohesive, gelatinous surprise, an herb bouquet replacing the neutral soy. Miso is a sweet hint on a chunk of Trout, bringing forth a salty, salmon-y taste. Bonito makes a boiled appearance next to a chewy bamboo shoot and brothy stalks of butterburrs that taste like celery.

The flavors are concentrated so it takes many alternating bites of rice to really make a dent in this modest-sized meal. But when it's over, it's over, as Yomogi turns from savory to sweet in a bean-sweetened ice cream sandwich.

By the end of this trip, I will have graduated from frivolous foodie to a bona fide stalker of chefs with an insatiable thirst for...well...anyone who can cook. I didn't see any dishes for sale or I probably would have splurged and walked out with an entire set as a souvenir. Fortunately, I didn't see any way to get to Miyamasou either or I probably would have walked out with chef Hisato Nakahigashi as a souvenir.

Nishiki Market - Kyoto

Sometimes the best way to tour a market is to sample your way through. Nishiki Market in 10-15 bites:

Sawawa makes warabimochi, but I didn't want to go for a giant box. The Green Tea Mochi is a great other option, chewy and cool. The Green Tea Manju is softer, doughier, channeling a harder bao but just as good.

Manju and mochi are already putting me into food coma, but Strong Coffee at Pulau Deco jolts me wide awake.

Should have waited til Konnamonja for coffee. It would have gone well with their fluffy soy milk donuts, which are like regular donuts but so much better.

Dessert then dinner, that's how it goes. Eel is soft on a stick, and the Squid is served whole, with all the belly roe intact. Might have been better served warm.

I'm almost full by the Karikari Kakase, but we have to stop for Takoyaki. As usual, more yaki than tako, but the soft, starchy balls are easy to eat and have a nice fried flavor.

Between all these little bites, there are plenty of pickles to try. Garlic, daikon, cabbage, melon. Nothing is safe from a Japanese tub of brine. I would have bought some to bring home, but I don't know how long they keep.

There is nothing in Kyoto I enjoyed more than noshing my way through Nishiki. My greatest regret is only going once. There's so much more to try!

Syunsai-Syubou Suishin - Kyoto, Japan

Some restaurants are chosen and specially sought, carefully curated by multiple internet searches, encyclopedic guidebooks, and sagacious friends alike. Others arise out of necessity, stemming from the deep-seated need to eat something before we faint or the desire to just sit down before we take our 15-thousandth step that day.

We were hungry, we couldn't find Izuu, and this restaurant was there. The food menu was promising at first,  a comprehensive list of small plates, covering a respectable range of items hot and cold, deep fried and raw.

The cold slices of Octopus from Hokkaido were my first sign that we'd ordered too much. Each transparent slice tasted like slightly-chewy nothing.

Fried Chicken Skin is the eastern chicharon and my new favorite yakatori. Theirs had no substance and no salt.

Grilled Smelt, a safe option, was standard; little cooked fish with lots of roe.

The Grilled Beef Tongue didn't break the bland streak, and despite the thin slices, none were very tender.

Generic Gyoza hit the spot but the coarse pork and hard scallion filling was quickly forgotten.

The Wheat Gluten Parfait is ice cream between several slabs of varying texture. Savory grilled wafers are a contrast to mochi button-balls with a coat of slimy starch.

Well that'll teach me to run to a random restaurant in the most commercial part of Kyoto! I started looking a lot more carefully during the next few days.