Ayahuasca – Barranco, Lima

If hipsters went to heaven, I think it would look like Ayahuasca Bar. Mismatching chairs and colorful ottomans with decorative fishtanks festively fill a vast Victorian manor. Dark hallways wind and tunnel with neverending, always-unfolding rooms and a back-side terrace where you can enjoy a Pisco Sour with an evening breeze.

The food is as laid back as the decor, but Ayahuasca Bar knows how to avoid the #TTH without compromising quality. The Parrilla Chalaca keeps it simple with a mix of rebelliously unique seafood chilling out in butter and garlic.

I love all foods Peruana but two weeks in Peru had me missing Americana. The Hamburguesas Junior are a handful of not-so-junior sliders of ground beef laced with pork. Pink on the inside and juicy throughout, dip that mystery meat into a mysterious aji pepper sauce for a kick of Peruana meets Americana.

3 stars for some solid food by a bar, 5 stars for the bar! We were warned that people often whittle away hours upon hours at Ayahuasca and I can see why. We probably could have spent all our lives living in this hipster's paradise.

Tio Mario – Barranco, Lima

My hands were clammy as I looked at my Cuy but I was too committed to quit. I had already mocked one friend for freaking out, and I told another to grow a pair. I almost cried when I didn't get to try it in Cusco and then there I was, at probably the only place in Barranco to serve the Peruvian delicacy heard around the world.

Everyone else had it roasted but mine was fried to a perfect crisp. I was spared the head with beady, reproachful eyes, but still the hand had its fingers twisted in anguish, an uncomfortable reminder of what I was about to do.

The smell was mouth-watering, and the crunch was so satisfying when my teeth broke through the skin. The fat drizzled across my plate as I tore off juicy slivers of flesh. The texture was tougher but far better than chicken, like a rougher rabbit with a lot more character and a little more game.

The cuy washed it down nicely with a traditional Chicha Morada, and the comp’ed Dessert was the perfect finish, a heavily-honeyed, deep-fried halo.

All western preconceived misgivings aside, the cuy was delicious, and Tio Mario knows how to make it. I don’t exactly have a basis for comparison, but I do have a new-found craving.

Magma Sushi – Miraflores, Lima

By the time we got back to Lima we were on our last set of clean clothes. We were tired of rain, tired of cold, and just so tired of being constantly soaked in mud. And by the time we got back from Cuzco, we were also pretty tired of the protein-heavy Peruvian food that fueled our grueling daily hikes.

There’s no better break from heavy food than sushi and sake, and Magma Sushi hit the spot. We were seeing the Sushi Platter in our dreams by the time we were done with the Lares Trek, and this assorted plate of tuna, salmon, and octopus was enough to set us drooling. It was so refreshing to have something with rice that wasn’t a potato.

The Dragon Roll didn’t last long either. The ripe avocado on top was like a cream sauce to the fried eel inside. I wasn’t a fan of the fried, but let’s face it, everything tastes okay with the right mix of wasabi and soy sauce.

Magma Sushi was by far not the best sushi out there, and it wasn't even a good choice in a country where ceviche reigns supreme. But we scarfed our sushi down like it was the finest cut of alpaca steak, and right then, it was just as gratifying as scratching an unreachable itch for the first time.

Papacho's - Cusco

Q: How do you spell tourist-trap in Inca? 

A: P-a-p-a-c-h-o-apostrophe-S. 

Their slogan is "where anything can be transformed into a hamburger", and that should have been our first clue. Our second clue was the burger-covered menu. Burgers with meat, burgers without meat, burgers with every kind of vegetable, every kind of fruit, and every combination of the above.

The one thing that WAS authentic about Papacho's was their portions. Served true-to-Peru, the Chanchito was a crispy, skin-and-fat side of half a hog. Savory met sweet with a chunky, smoothie-style mango chutney, and the side of yucca is surprisingly well-seasoned. I have no complaints about the Chanchito, but a burger might have been more memorable.

All that salty pork was making me thirsty, and there was my excuse to try La Tierna. Strawberry and passionfruit were an infallible combination, but this too-sugary smoothie made me feel like I was ordering off the kids' menu from my booster seat.

When in Peru...I’m still sucker for wings. The Charapitas were "bathed in the Amazon's most sinful flavors," and I was just drowning in the indescribable, never-

had-anything-like-it, sweet n' spicy flavor-craze.

I fully expected to hate Papacho's because I just can’t be a foreign-hamburger fan, but they still had me impressed. Their burgers do play it safe for the tourists, but their flavors are fresh, their combinations are new, and there's no doubt they can deliver a damn good plate of food.

Hot Springs II - Machu Picchu

I hate Hot Springs II. With a name like "Hot Springs" in a town whose attraction is actual hot springs, I can only conclude that they get off on watching confused tourists hike up an immense, unnecessary hill, huffing and puffing their way to the medicinal waters of the aguas calientes at the top only to find that their bags and tour guides are waiting in a restaurant by the train station at the bottom. 

By the time we found Hot Springs II (because one wasn’t enough), it was too late to order anything but the pizza without missing our train.

The pizza came quickly and caliente, right out of the oven, but that’s about all they did right. One Pizza had a few juicy mushrooms, soft artichokes, and salty pepperoni-esque sausage swimming in a vat of greasy, grocery-store-bag cheese. The cheese made long, slightly-soggy strings when you tried to pull the slices apart, but there was so much of it that it sloughed off the slices in chunks.

The Meat Lover's had an even mix of sausage, pepperoni, and ham, but it was hard to appreciate anything in the midst of all that cheese. The papery-tasting crust didn't help. 

I walked into Hot Springs II fully prepared to hate it thanks to the stress of finding it, and the pizza only helped me along. Despite the stress, I remained reluctant to bid the beautiful Machu Picchu goodbye, so I guess it’s a good thing Hot Springs II made me a little less inclined to linger. 

Indio Feliz - Machu Picchu Town

When you go through an ordeal like the Lares Trek, there better be a shining light at the end of that torturous tunnel. Our light was a hot shower in Machu Picchu town and a hot meal without the side of nausea at Indio Feliz.

If you started by slurping the syrupy Andean elderberry liqueur from the Andean Trujillo Melon like we did, everything got fun pretty fast because that liqueur is a lot stronger than it looks!

The theme of the appetizers was clearly, "We just got a new melon baller and we're not afraid to use it". The Avocado with Papaya was a pretty baller way to start; a glass of the smoothest, creamiest, ripest avocado balls I've ever had with an olive oil and lemon dressing that was out of this world.

Indio Feliz is as touristy as you'd expect considering Machu Picchu town doesn't have permanent inhabitants, but the menu does have native items like the Andean red trout, which is prepared in every possible way. Our Salmon Trout with Quillabamba Mango is filleted fresh, and the soft, sweet mango goes well with the fish. The Salmon Trout Meuniere meshed perfectly with a squeeze of lemon.

The Tender Beef Skewers were as tender as they promised, though "entire steaks on a stick" would have been a more accurate name. The beef was as medium rare as we wanted, with red peppers and onions, all nicely roasted. A little more salt wouldn't hurt, but it definitely hit the spot for some post-hike protein.

The Homemade Apple Pie has a flaky crust with soft, stacked apples. A little taste of home away from home, except the pie was more like a tart.

The Bistro style Creme Caramel is rich and firm but turns to cream in the mouth. This fancy French flan was made just right.

I wasn't expecting much from Machu Picchu tourist-town. My only hope was that the food would be good, but the fusion of Peruvian and French could really go either way. Indio Feliz definitely went the good way, and although it wasn’t the most authentic food in Peru, I definitely felt feliz for being a tourist at Indio Feliz.