Women have fantasies too, and lately social media has been pounding that point to death. Starting with the sultry smut that shuffles the pages of Fifty Shades of Grey, the world is becoming more and more aware of women's not-so-subtle wants.
My fantasies are not so violent, and when I dream of satisfaction, it doesn't come in the form of pain. My g-spot is located just a little bit anterior to my palate, and it constantly begs for stimulation.
My palms sweat and my heart races with desire every time I dreamt of dining at the Colicchio flagship called Craft. My knees got weak, and my insides melted at the thought of succumbing to culinary touch.
It always starts with a tease, and the parmesan brulee Amuse Bouche was the smallest sliver of anticipation for what was to come.
The Beet & Avocado Salad got me pretty hot and bothered, with sweet beets that banter on the tongue, creamy avocado that caresses, and a smooth creme fraiche that seduces the senses.
I shivered and I shuddered when my lips touched the Wild Mushroom Toast, a soft paste of ricotta spackled with soft, juicy bits of Honshimeji mushroom.
The Red Russian Kale is sharper with a sting of vinaigrette, a break from the smooth and sweet, a sensitization of the senses for the main events that are to come.
The Texas Quail is juicy under the skin, and few things are more tantalizing than unwrapping layers of flavor. The flesh is moist and smooth, with texture added by a soft, savory farro. But the blend is a little too smooth, and together the flavors are a little too vanilla to excite.
It was a girls' night so we thought we needed some sausage to spice things up. Unfortunately, this generic, grocery-store Andouille Sausage didn't nothing to improve our night.
The Mugifuji Pork generated a lot of excitement, but the execution was a bigger letdown than the writing ability of E.L. James. The pork was pink and impossibly soft, but not much flavor got in and the grits were a bit bland.
The Whole Wheat Orecchiette was a mood-killer, much like when someone accidentally tries something I don't like. The pasta was cooked just right, but using whole wheat turns a firm, plump al dente into something harder with a flavor that's limp. The beef brisket would have been better if its juices weren't being held in bondage by the watery liquid that restrained the dish.
There's nothing worse than nearly falling asleep when you're supposed to be stimulated. The Banana Bread Pudding was a bland banana-hinted nap with a smear of stifling chocolate and a boring bit of cream.
With so many letdowns after so much build-up, even the Meyer Lemon Sherbet Pie wasn't enough to redeem my disappointment. The spicy meringue reverberates with a breathtaking citrus, but after five dishes that disappoint, it isn't enough of a finish. If this is supposed to be the climax, I won't be inclined to try it again with Craft.
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