Wild Mango's - San Pedro, Belize

Everyone has their bible. For everyone there is a most sacred source of all their wisdom, a good book that cannot fail. Vogue is the foundation of fashionistas, rockers stand on a Stairway to Heaven, and every chef pays homage to Pepin. I haven't figured out my foodie bible yet, but Lonely Planet is the only travel companion I'll ever need. Wildly wise and always authentic, this has been the text of travel junkies and adventure addicts far and wide.

After I discovered Lonely Planet, I needed no other source. San Pedro was no exception. I knew I could count on Lonely Planet to deliver me to the freshest seafood in town.

Lonely Planet described Wild Mango's as "sev[ing] up some of the island's most consistent and creative cuisine." The pan-seared Wahoo with lime sauce was exactly that as I can definitively say I've never had anything like it. The wahoo was so over-seared it had the texture of undercooked pasta, el dente with a side of FAIL. I somewhat appreciated the wasabi mashed potatoes but only after I spat out a chunk of scales and dislodged a gigantic bone from the roof of my mouth. The so-called lime sauce was sticky and slightly sour, mostly sticky. After digging into this disaster, all I could think was, Wahoo-the-hell-made-this-godawful-dish?

I guess the Coconut Basil Grouper can be considered consistent. The fish was tender and flaky from a nicely-flavored coconut broth, but it was any dish from any beach. I didn't dislike the dish, but I wasn't a groupie for the grouper.

I figured I couldn't sit down at a place called Wild Mango's without trying the Tropical Mango Smoothie. Turns out, I've already had it...at Jamba Juice.

You lied to me, Lonely Planet. I believed in you like I believed in Santa Clause all those years and then you took him away. I followed in your footsteps and listened to you without the faintest shadow of a doubt. You will remain my valued travel companion as my loyalty is not so easily forsaken. You have so seldom steered me astray, but I can't help but wonder...What the heck were you smoking when you wrote so highly about the munchies at Wild Mango's?