Irritating Irregardless Café – Raleigh

Irregardless isn’t a real word, and that really irritates me. One of my biggest pet peeves is typos, and this one doesn’t even make sense. But it does depict the sweetly whimsical nature of this pretty little café, which I now find cutely irritating. Not that it matters. Both the restaurant and its all-over-the-place menu flaunt a certain whimsical aloofness, an adorable air that makes me think they will carry on uninhibited, irregardless of my or anyone else’s opinion.

When the name of your café isn’t a real word, I guess you get a lot more leeway with the menu. Since the name of this cafe isn’t a real word, it only makes sense that the words they use to name and describe their dishes were neither accurate nor realistic. I found that to be far more irritating.

When you serve something called the Cauliflower Trio, you’re supposed to serve three kinds of cauliflower. Sure there was some roasted cauliflower held together by a gray mash that acted and tasted like glue, but if there was any caramelized cauliflower it was indistinguishable from the roasted. And all of it was so bland that the glob of yellow mustard did little, if anything to fix the flavor…any flavor. The eggplant on top was a delicious afterthought but so random in both flavor and theme that I thought someone had accidentally dropped it on top.

I would love to know who coined the term Lamb Lollipops. They’re lamb chops. At a tasty medium rare coated with crushed walnuts and a couple drops of red pepper aioli, there’s nothing sweet about these things. The home fries were bland as can be with a forgettable sweet and sour cabbage. So how many licks does it take to get to the center of a lamb lollipop? The world may never know…Because you’re not supposed to lick them.

Open-Faced Duck Ravioli? Seriously? The whole point of ravioli is that it’s all eaten together. But how am I supposed to say no to duck? The seared duck breast was delectable with a cool red center, crispy skin on top, and duck leg confit on the bottom. The “ravioli pasta” turned out to be sheets of slightly overcooked pasta, the love child of wonton wrappers and lasagna. So me hooking up with an Italian guy. Oh come on, we were all thinking it.

Between the disjointed duck and a “deconstructed” curry special, I’m guessing their theme is taking things apart. But cooking is about putting things together. Chefs spend their lives seeking the just-right combination of powerful ingredients, the right amount of this with a just a pinch of that. And though deconstruction is a tempting theme, what they do here is actually destruction, which should only happen after you eat the food. And I can’t help but feel like they attempted to digest it for me.

Unfortunately, the best part of my experience at this café-whose-name-is-not-a-real-word was the company. And I can have Adam’s company at any restaurant in Raleigh so I certainly won’t be returning to this one. Interesting side note: even Adam isn’t really named Adam. Apparently it’s his middle name and he has at least four others. Maybe he picked this place because he identifies with it…so I hope he doesn’t mind that I just bashed it.