Café China – NYC

If service were scored like golf, Café China would give Tiger Woods a run for his money. And I didn’t even sit down. I ordered the Mouth Watering Chicken for takeout and discovered the Husband and Wife Special in its place after I got home. And considering I’m crashing with various friends in New York who are playing a game I fondly named “pass the third wheel”, this mix-up actually seemed a bit cruel…The thing is, when I called and told them in Chinese, without looking at the menu, which dish they mistakenly gave me, the appropriate response was not “Have you ever had mouth watering chicken? Do you actually know what it looks like?” It’s a fair point – I’ve never had their mouth watering chicken. But I’m pretty sure I know what chicken doesn’t look like. For starters, it doesn’t look like beef. And it really doesn’t look like beef tripe. This would be a good time to go to India and try on a sorry.

The Mouth Watering Chicken had a surprisingly large amount of tender, juicy chunks floating in a sea of Szechuan chili. The red glow of agonizing spice makes your eyes water more than your mouth, but you won’t regret a bite of this. I’ve had better but this one’s pretty good, and the $9 I spent leaves little room for objection.

The Cold Noodles Szechuan Style are a safe option. A hint of spice and a dash of peanut-y sweetness is a two-snack-size steal at $6.

We don’t choose gas station bathrooms for their cleanliness and we don’t pick authentic Chinese restaurants for their stellar service. Chinese restaurants are better enjoyed when thought of as gas stations in every state except New Jersey: self-service. But if you’re like me and constantly craving Szechuan but never in the mood to sit down or wait, Café China just might become your go-to for takeout.