Binging at K’ya Bistro Bar– Laguna Beach

My only knowledge of Laguna Beach is that it’s Lauren Conrad’s birthplace. The only thing I know about Lauren Conrad is that she was on The Hills and that she once shaved her roommate’s cat. So thanks to TV documentation of her entitled upbringing, her obsession with shiny things, and her terrible taste in friends, I was actually afraid to walk around Laguna Beach without a pedigree in hand.

I don’t have a pedigree. I am the daughter of Chinese immigrants who clawed their way up from waiting tables to Ph.Ds. So good thing I stumbled upon a cute little unpretentious tapas tavern with friendly service and quality food because that’s the only reason I didn’t turn back around and leave.

The food at K’ya is very much like the lives of Laguna’s rich and famous; it’s impossible to suck when you have all the right ingredients to make it good. It’d be pretty hard to screw up Seared Filet Mignon with creamy horseradish for example, and believe me, K’ya does not.

When you combine multiple right ingredients, you get neat little packages like Whitney Port, Heidi Montag…and Bacon Wrapped Dates. It’s hard to fail when you have a combination of looks and daddy’s plastic, and gooey blue cheese-filled dates surrounded by chewy bacon, and all you can really do here is congratulate the chef on the assembly.

I swear the Hibachi Salmon came off the grill at your nearest hibachi haven and was smothered in those dipping sauces they give you. Something so simple and slightly sloppy sounds like something that would permanently wrinkle a socialite’s nose. But I’m not a socialite and I love hibachi so rock on.

I stand corrected. Even the best ingredients can go wrong. Brussels sprouts are awesome, but K’ya’s Brussels Sprouts Gratin was as awful as it looks. The sprouts were steamed to mush, the gratin was soggy, and the balsamic added a terribly sour aftertaste to something that was already terribly bitter. Plus the only pairing that clashes more than LC and Heidi Montag status post Spencer is vinegar and gorgonzola. It tastes like homemade ipecac and elicits a similar reflex.

We sent that side back and got the Sauteed Spinach as a substitute, no questions asked. The spinach was sautéed just right, and the garlic added a nice bite. LC may be never redeem herself in Heidi’s eyes, but don’t worry K’ya, I’ve already forgotten the Brussels sprouts.

Aside from the side of sprouts, I loved all the dishes I had at K’ya. But none had blown me away until I went wild for the Wild Hawaiian Ahi Poke. I’m a minimalist when it comes to sauce, and it’s been impossible to find a soy-sauce-sesame-oil immersion that doesn’t drown out the pure flavor of tuna so I usually don’t actually like poke. Just kidding. Because this spicy soy-tempered tuna with a smooth finish of seaweed and onion and chips for a contrasting crunch was possibly the most perfect thing in SoCal. And it doesn’t even have botox in it.

I’ve droned a bit about the OC’s famed excess, but I’ll let the Lobster and Crab Cake speak for itself. The embodiment of sweet simplicity, the crab and lobster flavors shone through a highlighting hint of curry. The bed of edamame and corn succotash was both fresh and refreshing, the very spirit of a summer at the beach.

Even without a sterling pedigree, you can still have your Flourless Chocolate Cake and eat it at K’ya…especially if you get Vanilla Bean Crème Brulee on the side. The cake is dense and rich, as it should be, and the crème is sweet and smooth.

Thanks to my family’s humble beginnings and my status as a foodie from North Carolina, I’m pretty sensitive about people judging me based on where I came from instead of where I choose to go. So I’m ashamed to admit that that’s exactly what I did to K’ya. So thanks K’ya, thanks for the lessons learned: don’t judge a restaurant by its neighborhood, don’t judge a neighborhood by its reality show, and don’t judge anything with a chip-on-the-shoulder, especially if it’s K’ya. Because K’ya deserves an unbiased appraisal, so come see for yourself.