Voracious at Vlora – Boston

The Mediterranean climate consists of hot dry summers, and so does Boston. When I (or Mediterranean people) want to escape the stifling heat, Vlora is the first place I’d head to.  Heat rises and is sure to have dissipated from this garden-level establishment long before your arrival, and the sheltered dining room provides ample reprieve from the tourists trekking along bustling Boylston and pilgrims reaching the promised land of Trinity Church.

If you’re dying of heat stroke and can’t bear the thought of something hot, cheesy, and fried, the Arancini Siciliani is not for you. Turns out, on the winter day I ventured to Vlora, it wasn’t for me either. The rice was a bit mushy, the tomato sauce tasted canned, and I couldn’t taste anything resembling mushroom or mint sauce, but the feta saved the dish. My advice: skip the appetizer, cut to the chase with entrees, and save some room for dessert.

The beef tenderloin is probably the best I’ve ever had. NY strip at the Palm, dry-aged kona at Capital Grille, porterhouse at Harry’s NYC are practically even with the Mediterranean Kebabs. I took a bite and chewed. And chewed. And chewed. The tender, flame-kissed beef was pretty pink and juicy underneath. I swear I chewed each bite 10 times, and the savory juice never stopped flowing. The rice pilaf was a tasty complement, and the veggies were a nice refresher, but it really was all about the meat.

If the cloying atmosphere of Newberry Street on a summer day has made you unable to stomach anything but water or the thought of a slab of beef makes your stomach churn, the light but filling Vegetarian Pasta di Aldo is solid fuel for shopping. The veggies are crispily cooked, the wide noodles are absolutely al dente, and the fresh arugula creates a biting breath of fresh air in a stale, overheated BCBG store during a half-off sale.

There is no way your entrees will leave you unsatisfied, but leave room for dessert because the Kompekai is unbelievable. Don’t be fooled by the unappetizing appearance of this pistachio bread pudding – my cell phone camera hardly crafts a correlation between how things look and how they actually taste. The moist, decadent bread pudding is lightened by the nutty flavor, and the crème anglaise adds just the right amount of sweetness.

It is really saying something when a restaurant actually forces me to give it 5 stars. I originally didn’t want to give this place 5 stars due to the simplicity of the food, but in this case, sweet simplicity is a Mediterranean trademark, and the food, however simple, had its own flourish within cuisine-imposed limits, and it was so perfectly made I couldn’t even begrudge it half a star.

Studies have shown that people live longer on the Mediterranean diet. IMO, they must have used a study population of people who didn’t have teeth. You’d have to remove my teeth to keep me from eating my fill of Vlora’s perfect kebob, and you’d have to remove my feet to keep me from coming back.

Barking up the Right Tree at Barking Crab - Boston

Unless you have a horrific cold, in which case, why are you eating seafood (?!?!), you’ll know where you are the minute you get in the door of Barking Crab. The stinging fishy stench will hit you faster you’re your steaming platter of fried seafood can hit your table but not nearly as fast as the friendly host/hostess can seat you.

The Steamers were a fantastically fresh start, and I swear they pulled then out of the ocean before they hit the table. I’ve never seen steamers for sale anywhere, and being able to have them for the first time 15 years put me in a pretty good mood. Nothing tastes less-than-exceptional when dipped in hot melted butter, and this was no exception. The steamers proved to be an ideal appetizer and a much-needed contrast for the imminent battered platters.

I’m often labeled a shrimp due to my stature, but I think that the substantial oyster po’boy proves that a big flavor can masquerade as a wienie. My advice: don’t bother with the bun – why drown out oysters that fresh with grocery-store bread? Oh, and steer clear of the undercooked sweet potato fries!

There was nothing fishy about the freshness of the Seafood Platter, but ridiculous price reeked almost as much as the scallops, which clearly spent at least 2 months in a freezer. The portions are huge, but the exorbitant prices are a joke!

Of worthy note, my 2^nd biggest fear in the world is public speaking, and I tend to clam up when I’m forced to do it. The fried clams in the seafood platter shut me up pretty fast, but my jaw never stopped moving up and down when I got a hold of these yummy little yappers. A bit dry and not the freshest, but I’ll give a little more leeway since they’re fried.

You’ll need to take my review with a grain of sea salt since I didn’t actually order crab or lobster at a place that specializes in crab. Sadly, no crab is THAT special. Although Barking Crab is one of few places I would actually want to get crabs from, the price makes it impossible to afford the subsequent necessities…So if it’s crabs I’m craving I’ll be getting them at a price that leaves me a little extra for the permethrin.



Looney Café Luna - Cambridge

                                

For reasons I can’t quite put a wand on, Café Luna’s cute but crafty, whimsical but substantial, eccentric but elegant eats conjures the image of Harry Potter’s multi-faceted Luna Lovegood who was never afraid to march to the beat of her own kitchen? All of Luna’s food is crafted with Hermione’s skill, Molly Weasley’s talent, and the creativity of Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes. Each dish shines like the light of a full moon - just be sure not to obscure it with a cloud of syrup…unless you’re Prof. Lupin…

For starters, the Blueberry Italian Soda is Café Luna’s butterbeer. Get it every time you come and you can’t go wrong. Sadly, there’s no way you can take it back to Hogwarts with you, so just sip indulgently while you wait for your food. If you ever get the urge to try the apple cider instead, curb your craving with the Italian soda and buy a gallon at your local grocery store/apple-picking orchard on your way home. They have some nerve charging $3.50 for a wine glass of plastic-gallon-jug cider considering the entire jug is worth less than $10. The Italian soda, on the other hand, is well worth the price. I could taste sweet juicy blueberries in the syrup, and considering Café Luna offers more soda flavors than Bernie Bott’s every flavor beans, I doubt you can go wrong.

Like Madam Rosmerta, Café Luna’s manager gets major props for taking pride in what he serves. He personally came to tell us to taste the stuffed French toast before asking for syrup as the already-sweet, flavor-soaked toast needed none. Not that I would ever consider adding syrup to something I’d never tasted, but it’s a good word of caution to the less food-savvy, and it saves a foolish diner from ruining a masterpiece.

The Pumpkin Pie Stuffed French Toast could have used less bread and more pie – it was soft and gloriously gooey, but the toast obscured the more subtle spices of the pie. The Blueberry Lemon Stuffed French Toast, on the other hand was sweeter than I’m usually comfortable with due to the use of lemon curd instead of fresh lemon, but Café Luna really made it work. The best part: Café Luna allows split portions of the French toast so you can indulge your indecisiveness and taste both options before making the ultimate choice. Harry Potter would have envied you in book 7…how about a half-portion of the horcruxes and a half-portion of the deathly hallows?

I was gladly goaded into splitting the Omelet with goat cheese, sweet potato, and caramelized onion. Sweet potato can’t possibly be bad, but I just wish all the ingredients had been distributed evenly throughout the omelet. More often than not, I only got one ingredient in a single bite, which was a crying shame because those three things were absolutely explosive when combined. So let’s spread the chevre this holiday season!

In Miss Congeniality, Cheryl Fraser’s perfect date was April 25^th because it’s not too hot and it’s not too cold and all you need is a light jacket. My perfect date was December 3^rd because it wasn’t hot at all and it wasn’t too cold, and I had a not-so-light brunch date at Café Luna. Forget long walks on the beach, rose petals on the bed, and sappy music with champagne, the fastest way to my heart is a hearty bite of stuffed French toast and a deep sip of blueberry Italian soda.

                                 

No Whining at Wine Cellar – Boston

When I hear the word cellar, it conjures the image of a dark, dank cobweb-covered closet where spiders scurry to escape the rats. Fortunately, the only thing about Wine Cellar that remotely resembles a cellar is that it’s garden level, which isn’t even underground enough to count. A cozy, graceful espace with quaint exposed brick and a beautiful painted mural on the back wall, everything about this place radiates warmth and invites you in. Feeling welcome, my roommate and I made the trek on a rainy weekday night to indulge our joint craving for wining and dining. I took a brief moment to whine about my inability to have wine (had to work in the morning), but it was smooth fondue-ing after that.

To my surprise, I rather enjoyed the Formaggio appetizer, despite the fact that the mozzarella somewhat neutralized the gruyere. Despite my dilutional pet peeve, the white wine compensated by adding a nice sharpness to the soft mozzarella and enhancing the gruyere, a refreshing break from my usual whining about the frat-boy nastiness of beer-laced cheese at cookie-cutter chains like Melting Pot.

The Latin broth was always an interesting choice of entrée broth – it wasn’t ideal for the lamb and didn’t combine well with beef tenderloin marinated in horseradish, but what could be better with shrimp and scallops? The wasabi dipping sauce and the alioli topped my list of dipping sauces though they were a little too cream-tastic for my lactose intolerance – too little made the meat bland but too much drowned out the taste. Otherwise, the cuts of meat were clearly quality, and the seafood was fresh.

The one thing I really whined about was the 50/50 dessert fondue. The dessert is literally half a cup of chocolate total served in a bowl over a candle. The chocolate barely covers the bottom of the bowl, which makes dipping a chore, and as generic as chains like Melting Pot can be, at least they have the decency to serve chocolate fondue in a real pot…

As my friends know, my signature line is “Would you like some cheese to go with your whine?” But Wine Cellar’s fondue provided very little reason to whine though I did get the fondue for two so I ended up whining all night about the button I popped off my jeans…if you serve portions that generous, you should sell pants for the gluttons to wear home!

It’s hard to rate a restaurant where you cook the food yourself so take my 4 stars with a grain of salt and a glass of red wine, but fear not, I’ll be back for more wining and dining, and I’ll let you know just how much whine I have.