Friday, May 4, 2018

Hotel Numbi - Mpumalanga, South Africa

I highly recommend this hotel...for swingers, exhibitionists, and those who have no valuables. If none of these classifications include you, lock your door, hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife because the beautiful new luxury rooms of Hotel Numbi are probably the least secure rooms in town. To clarify, due to an honest mistake made by another group of travelers, we discovered that each room key opens the door...of every room in the hotel. We let them know. They did nothing. Godspeed.


The food, however, is not terrible. I'm learning that game is the name of the game here, and fresh vegetables are in short supply if they're not in a standard salad. If you paid me a dollar for ever piece of lightly pickled white asparagus I ate, you probably could have financed my entire safari. Oh, and there was fruit and the beets were okay too.


I'm all about the Mussels. Some sort of white wine garlic sauce, and they taste pretty fresh. Winner winner, mussel dinner.


Paper-thin cuts of what I presume to be pork belly. They're fatty and cooked in a great sauce that finishes on the sweeter side, kind of like bulgogi. Chunks of beef on a stick? I'll pass. They're tough and dry. The potatoes are pretty good, and the corn is great. Pumpkin was much-anticipated but became disappointing orange mush. 


An impressive selection of desserts. We tried most of them, impossible to catch 'em all. The cheesecake is creamy and light, and the flan is the same.


There's a strawberry cream pie-type thing, something fluffier and better than pound cake, minus the pound of sugar, and there's a cream-and-cake-crumb concoction I like just as much. 

Eat here? Sure, why not? But unless you don't mind eating with your laptop in your lap and your remaining valuables secured all over your body, stay somewhere else.

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