Taco Hell – St. Thomas

If the hospital cafeteria didn’t convince you that my food drought has ended, here’s a hopping history of my frequent encounters with Taco Hell. Allow me to tickle your tastebuds with a most titillating review of my encounters with a taco shack. And yes, this is every bit as exciting as it sounds so if you stop reading right here I won’t hold it against you. I might actually lose a little respect for you if you keep reading…

If cheap eats were a kingdom, Taco Hell would be their king. Two dollars buys nothing that doesn’t come out of a gumball machine or a can these days, but at Taco Hell you get an entire taco, complete with meat or refried beans and a couple sprinkles of lettuce and cheese. An extra dollar slaps on tomatoes and sour cream, plus an extra layer of beans underneath. Be careful, big spender, those tomatoes are terribly tempting…

The Beans Taco is what I’d make at home with a can of refried beans and a bag of shredded cheese. Except I wouldn’t add lettuce because I’m way too lazy to cut it up and rinse off the cutting board. So I’ll happily pay for one of these tacos, just for the lettuce. If laziness were an Olympic sport, I’m pretty sure I’d take home the gold for that one.

The Beef Taco tastes pretty processed, but its resemblance to the beloved chain of Taco Bell is uncanny. If it’s fast food you’re in the mood for, fast food is exactly what you’ll get.

The Chicken Taco features delicious shredded, marinated, perfectly seasoned chicken. I can’t make chicken this good for any amount, and believe me; it’s not for my lack of trying.

The problem with a cheap taco stand is that it can be but is not always for the enjoyment of the sober. But no worries, one tequila, two tequila, three four-dollar tequilas will fix that pretty fast. For those with the opposite of sobriety, three dollars also buys a can of Red Bull. That ought to keep awake for at least long enough to enjoy your taco.