Island Breeze, Roy Lester Schneider Hospital – St. Thomas

Fear no more friends and followers, the St. Thomas food drought ends here. No more fretting about the lack of affordable fine dining, no more obsessing over my obstinate inability to stumble upon a place with promise. Here, here in the very hospital where I serve, HERE is where they serve my food.

Why am I writing about a hospital, you ask? Well why not? Fellow med students who have hounded me to write up BMC’s cafeteria as joke, hound no more. Mostly because it gets old. Quickly. But also because here is where we compromise. I will write about A hospital cafeteria, but that cafeteria will not be the one at BMC. Why, you ask again? (1) because there’s not much else to write up on this island and (2) I actually have nice things to say about Schneider.

You’ve heard that there are many ways to skin a cat. Apparently there are many ways to cook the same chicken thigh’n’leg too. Yes, I juxtaposed that in your mind on purpose. Sometimes I’m just descriptively cruel. Anyway, I’ve tried the Baked Chicken, Teriyaki Chicken, and Caribbean Chicken so far. The sauces on the outside are marginally different…like white sand vs more white sand. The good news is, the insides are consistently identical - tender and moist and flavorful all the way through.

The Eggplant Parmesan tasted pretty good if you can overlook the fact that they forgot to add eggplant. The portion is huge, but there are only a couple of paper-thin slices of eggplant between a few crumbs of breading interspersed among multiple layers of cheese. Though after two weeks in Argentina, I’ll never complain about good cheese again. I actually scarfed down half that monstrous block just for the queso.

Beef Stew always has the potential to taste the way dog food smells, but despite the inevitable similarity in appearance, it’s a hearty staple with chewy chunks of beef and soft potato.

On those days when you just want a plain old sandwich, their array of customizable fillings makes for a pretty awesome sandwich bar. My Crab Salad Sandwich was filled with tasty artificial crab with a nice, even coat of mayo plus all my favorite veggies, a safe, cool option when you’re feelin’ the lighter fare. They’ll even Panini press it if you ask nicely.

I didn’t try any of other the vegetarian selections, but those who did raved, and the barrage of veggie burger stew, curry tofu, barbecue tofu and pasta with veggie sausage all looked pretty awesome.

If you’re trying to satisfy your sweet tooth, here are some Banana Fritters for your benefit. These are basically nuggets of deep fried banana bread. So many tasty tidbits, so little time.

I’m mostly dripping with sarcasm in this review, here is where I will insert my serious paragraph. I may not love this cafeteria, but on an island where $15 will barely buy you an entrée you enjoy, I can hardly object to a five-dollar entrée featuring pretty good food I actually like. So don’t let my little less than thrilling culinary experience deter you from visiting me in St. Thomas. Clearly, I’ll only take you to the best places…did I mention that they serve Styrofoam at Schneider? That’s a luxury compared to paper!