Krua Apsorn – Bangkok

I never expected to be able to write an actual restaurant review in Thailand, but here we go!

The simple starter to the greatness that is to come was itself the very picture of simple grace. Elegant, long lines of green papaya ground in a light, spicy-sour juice, the Papaya Salad goes even farther than an ice cold beer in the sweltering heat.

Leave it to Yash to order a fantastic fried rice the day after I post a less-than-stellar spread on rice. And of course it’s a stellar Basil Fried Rice. It’s like I always get on the right train, at the wrong station…in the wrong country…but rest assured, unlike myself, Krua Apsorn can do no wrong.

I plan to do a spread on just noodles so I won’t go into much detail about the Pad Thai here. Let’s just say it’s how Pad Thai should be. Chewy, almost-gelatinous noodles, clear as day, with just the right mix of sweet and soy.

The Crab Omelet was described as resembling tortilla espanola and a must-try by Lonely Planet. This is the first time in my life I’ve ever disagreed with Lonely Planet. Considering I travel with Lonely Planet like a missionary with his Book of Mormon, it is earthshattering that I should find any points to dispute. Anyway, all sarcasm aside, the crab omelet is certainly tasty with bits of crab intermixed with fluffy egg, however this egg is not the dense, compact stuff of tortilla espanola. Though savory, this dish begs neutrality and tries to please all parties. With none of the seafood-sting of the other dishes, the omelet is a virgin daiquiri. I enjoyed it, but there is a far superior option for crab lovers.

The Fried Crab with Yellow Chili is the daiquiri blended in a Jamba Juice blender with the world’s best rum. And no, that’s not Bacardi. Just no. if that was your first thought, you and I are no longer on speaking terms. Forget rum, this dish is the ambrosia and nectar of the Thai gods. Chunks of lump crabmeat with the searing pain of Thai chilis, this dish is one of few good things that burn – it shares that honor with a roaring campfire and marshmallows on sticks, an afternoon sun on a pristine Koh Tao beach, and Johnny Cash’s Ring of Fire.

My first visit to Krua Apsorn commenced with the Fish Ball Green Curry as they were out of the claim-to-fame yellow curry. I’ve never cared for the vulcanized texture of fish balls, but the green curry is a rich green, deep as the Emerald Buddha. There’s one veggie I don’t recognize, but it’s green with a texture and flavor resembling zucchini/squash crossed with the crunch of carrots. Every bite is better than the last.

The Yellow Curry comes with a pedigree of famous food critics, and the two lobster-like shrimp flavoring it are the gold standard by which all curries should be measured. I’ve had curry with shrimp before, but never one so permeated by the shrimp and so brilliantly enhanced by the sour crispiness of tiny lotus shoots. I never thought that a few puny shrimps could be so mighty, but that just goes to show that all you smug tall people who underestimated the shrimps stand corrected. (Groan!)

At Krua Apsorn, your order of white rice is molded into the shape a double heart, and if I were ranking in hearts instead of stars, Krua Apsorn would get all five of mine. Sadly, I only have one heart, and I left a piece of it here. In the Legend of Zelda, the more pieces of heart Link collects, the more blows he can take before succumbing to his injuries. So go to Thailand one day, whenever you have a whim, and find that piece of my heart at Krua Apsorn. That kind of food and that kind of experience just might cushion the blow of whatever life hits you with next.