Unaesthetic ArtBar – Cambridge

When I first heard of a place called ArtBar, I pictured tasteful décor, artisan alcohol, and a positively picturesque palette of veritable culinary wonder. Unfortunately, if Van Gogh were a chef and cut off both hands instead of an ear before painting A Starry Night, the painting would look something like the food at ArtBar and be painted at a speed faster than the service. 2.5 stars in my sky for the food, zero for the service.

Elusively placed down the hallway of a beautiful Cambridge hotel, ArtBar is a restaurant after my own heart. I always harbor a true appreciation for places that clearly work hard for my food, and considering the time they took to get the Pork Cheek Tacos to my table, I can only logically conclude that they journeyed to the nearest forest, shot and killed a wild pig, marinated the pork, and then cooked it. Clearly they cooked it in the forest which is why it was frigid by the time it reached my table. Yet, their efforts are clear. They tried so hard to get it to my table quickly that they didn’t even have time to assemble it themselves, which, I suppose, is a reasonable explanation of why we were given a pile of pork, two tortillas, and a dish of pico.

The next day, we got our entrees. The Lobster Roll was tasty, and I obviously appreciated them taking even more time to trap it to order as well as make it to order. But the sweet potato tots were by far the best part of my meal.

The Game Hen was as inflated as the prices. Bulging with beastly spring veggies, Chicken Little never stood a chance. Not much flavor in the chicken, nothing but salt in the veggies. If this had been my meal, I would have wished for the sky to fall down.

The Almond Streusel Cake with carmel poached peaches was standard. A sweet and just sweet enough dessert with tasty cream and decent peaches, it satisfied my insatiable salivation for something sweet. I didn’t dislike it, but it’s the masterpiece of a mediocre master.

So if you’re not getting any younger (unlike Benjamin Button), or time is money (sorry, surgeons), or if you just want your food the same day you ordered it, ArtBar should be artfully avoided.