North End Caffe - Manhattan Beach

I made my first turkey this Thanksgiving. I brined the turkey...and my kitchen floor, and I popped in the oven and roasted it like a pro. It takes a true genius to put a buttered bird into an oven and turn the switch to 350 degrees. Good thing my "eat at your own risk waivers" absolve me of any wrongdoing in case I did poison my guests.

But just because I can roast a turkey doesn't mean I'll ever come close to the mastery of a chef...Or at least that's what I thought until I went to North End Caffe.

I only tried a few things, but I think I can make them all. Hopefully they don't sue me for revealing their not-so-secret recipes...Maybe I should make them sign a waiver too?

To make the Isabella breakfast sandwich, cut a baguette-that-is-not-really-a-baguette in half. Do not toast or warm the baguette in any way, but do put some pesto on it. Pour some oil into a skillet, throw in one egg, and wear long sleeves. I don't know about you, but I can't fry anything without being spattered by painfully hot oil. Flip the egg before it burns. Slice brie, spoon a not-quite-ripe avocado, add chopped tomato. Repeat with different ingredients, like bacon and some extra leaves, for example.

For unimpressive Side Potatoes, deep fry chunks of potato with no detectable seasoning whatsoever and garnish with inadequate mayo in a disturbing shade of Pepto-Bismol pink.

Beignets are the best way to end a meal. Deep-fry small balls of dough and top with powdered sugar. Let sit until cool and oil starts to seep and sugar starts to soak. Eat just one to end your meal - I guarantee you'll be too grossed out to eat anything else.

Despite having figured out their secrets, I would still come back to North End Caffe when I'm craving something simple and homemade...Homemade as in cheap-yet-pricey prime-ingredient sandwiches I could easily throw together myself. And although $7.50 makes for a dirt-cheap breakfast in Manhattan Beach, you can get an entire meal for double the price of a sad little sandwich. Seriously, go somewhere else. At least you'll be springing for edible sides.