Going to The Gallows – Boston

When going to a restaurant named after a neck-breaking apparatus designed for severe social deviants, I was worried that I was going to eat my meal on a wooden platform and have my food somehow asphyxiate me. Turns out, while I did eat on a wooden platform in the form of a table, but the food was more like what I would want as my last meal right before the execution.

When Marie Antoinette went to the scaffold, she was calm, collected, and classy to the very end, much like the type of customer who frequents this much more pleasant variation of the scaffold. The décor was as simply chic as her escape from court life at Le Petit Trianon, and the overall ambiance of simple yet clearly trendy is as memorable and fashionably timeless as the gaulle. All restaurants aspire to attain this iconic simplicity, and all women strive to attain Marie Antoinette’s iconic style.

To start, the Poutine managed to be hearty yet delicate – the kind of fare you’d Marie Antoinette to consume after a winter horse-ride (this was her favorite activity), though I wish there had been more of that crumbly cheese curd. I also wish I’d sprung for the Out of Control version – foie gras-topped fries are just genius…

We played duck, duck, Goose Confit with the entrees list, and like the ill-fated French queen, the goose was exceptional to the very end. The foie gras was less juicy than I’m used to but that burst of flavor never gets old, and the confit broke into tasty shreds at the gentle touch of a fork. I know people think fatty liver is morally wrong, but the way I see it, so many undergrad/grad/med students probably have alcoholic steatosis resulting from intentional weekend hepatic decimation that consumption of goose liver will help with the regenerative process. At least that’s what I keep telling myself…(Yes, I’m well aware of the unnecessary-ness of the uber-nerd justification for foie gras…)

After the goose, we moved onto the Slow Roast Pork Belly. This particular dish was as elaborate as the pouf, with many layers of flavor and varied textures. It rode the fine line between gaudy and classy, but the intricate attention to detail in each layer was unforgettable. Thick slices of perfectly crisp, fatty belly over mussels and rice noodles…this is the only type of belly fat I don’t try to get rid of, and it’s nice to have the fat in my belly instead of on it for once…The mussels in this dish were the perfect touch of lightness and contrast of texture. The coconut broth was amazingly rich and creamy, and when the mussels were doused in it, the combination was incredible. I’ve had good Thai, and I’ve had great Thai, but I’ve never had a coconut broth this good.

Though I couldn’t find a single thing regrettable about the pork, I was still pretty sad about not getting to try the sides that come with the skirt steak or the gamey-manly meat that is the venison - the server told us to try it over the venison because it was just so cool, and he was right on. It looks like I’ll be “dragged” back like so many at Bastille, but it seems only fitting considering the food was every bit as romantic and glamorous as a revolution.

Gallows are along the same lines of the scaffold though definitely not the equivalent, and the South End of Boston is hardly equivalent to the French court at Versailles, however the words “close enough” never escaped my lips at the Gallows.